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Enter FLUELLEN and GOWER
Enter FLUELLEN and GOWER

GOWER

Nay, that’s right. But why wear you your leek today? Saint
Davy’s day is past.

GOWER

Nay, that’s right. But why wear you your leek today? Saint
Davy’s day is past.

FLUELLEN

There is occasions and causes why and wherefore in all things. I will tell you as my friend, Captain Gower. The rascally, scald, beggarly, lousy, pragging knave, Pistol, which you and yourself and all the world know to be no petter than a fellow, look you now, of no merits, he is come to me and prings me pread and salt yesterday, look you, and bid me eat my leek. It was in place where I could not breed no contention with him, but I will be so bold as to wear it in my cap till I see him once again, and then I will tell him a little piece of my desires.

FLUELLEN

There is occasions and causes why and wherefore in all things. I will tell you as my friend, Captain Gower. The rascally, scald, beggarly, lousy, pragging knave, Pistol, which you and yourself and all the world know to be no petter than a fellow, look you now, of no merits, he is come to me and prings me pread and salt yesterday, look you, and bid me eat my leek. It was in place where I could not breed no contention with him, but I will be so bold as to wear it in my cap till I see him once again, and then I will tell him a little piece of my desires.
Enter PISTOL
Enter PISTOL

GOWER

Why, here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock.

GOWER

Why, here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock.

FLUELLEN

'Tis no matter for his swellings, nor his turkey-cocks.—
15 God pless you, Aunchient Pistol, you scurvy, lousy knave,
God pless you.

FLUELLEN

'Tis no matter for his swellings, nor his turkey-cocks.—
God pless you, Aunchient Pistol, you scurvy, lousy knave,
God pless you.

PISTOL

Ha, art thou bedlam? Dost thou thirst, base Trojan, to have me fold up Parca’s fatal web? Hence. I am qualmish at the smell of leek.

PISTOL

Ha, art thou bedlam? Dost thou thirst, base Trojan, to have me fold up Parca’s fatal web? Hence. I am qualmish at the smell of leek.

FLUELLEN

I peseech you heartily, scurvy, lousy knave, at my desires, and my requests, and my petitions, to eat, look you, this leek. Because, look you, you do not love it, nor your affections and your appetites and your digestions does not agree with it, I would desire you to eat it.

FLUELLEN

I peseech you heartily, scurvy, lousy knave, at my desires, and my requests, and my petitions, to eat, look you, this leek. Because, look you, you do not love it, nor your affections and your appetites and your digestions does not agree with it, I would desire you to eat it.

PISTOL

25 Not for Cadwallader and all his goats.

PISTOL

Not for Cadwallader and all his goats.

FLUELLEN

There is one goat for you. (strikes him) Will you be so good, scald knave, as eat it?

FLUELLEN

There is one goat for you. (strikes him) Will you be so good, scald knave, as eat it?

PISTOL

Base Trojan, thou shalt die.

PISTOL

Base Trojan, thou shalt die.

FLUELLEN

You say very true, scald knave, when God’s will is. I will desire you to live in the meantime and eat your victuals. Come, there is sauce for it. (strikes him) You called me yesterday “mountain squire,” but I will make you today a squire of low degree. I pray you, fall to. If you can mock a leek, you can eat a leek.

FLUELLEN

You say very true, scald knave, when God’s will is. I will desire you to live in the meantime and eat your victuals. Come, there is sauce for it. (strikes him) You called me yesterday “mountain squire,” but I will make you today a squire of low degree. I pray you, fall to. If you can mock a leek, you can eat a leek.

GOWER

35 Enough, Captain. You have astonished him.

GOWER

Enough, Captain. You have astonished him.

FLUELLEN

I say I will make him eat some part of my leek, or I will peat his pate four days.—Bite, I pray you. It is good for your green wound and your ploody coxcomb.

FLUELLEN

I say I will make him eat some part of my leek, or I will peat his pate four days.—Bite, I pray you. It is good for your green wound and your ploody coxcomb.

PISTOL

Must I bite?

PISTOL

Must I bite?

FLUELLEN

Yes, certainly, and out of doubt and out of question, too, and ambiguities.

FLUELLEN

Yes, certainly, and out of doubt and out of question, too, and ambiguities.

PISTOL

By this leek, I will most horribly revenge. I eat and eat, I swear—

PISTOL

By this leek, I will most horribly revenge. I eat and eat, I swear—

FLUELLEN

Eat, I pray you. Will you have some more sauce to your leek? There is not enough leek to swear by.

FLUELLEN

Eat, I pray you. Will you have some more sauce to your leek? There is not enough leek to swear by.

PISTOL

Quiet thy cudgel. Thou dost see I eat.

PISTOL

Quiet thy cudgel. Thou dost see I eat.

FLUELLEN

Much good do you, scald knave, heartily. Nay, pray you throw none away. The skin is good for your broken coxcomb. When you take occasions to see leeks hereafter, I pray you, mock at 'em, that is all.

FLUELLEN

Much good do you, scald knave, heartily. Nay, pray you throw none away. The skin is good for your broken coxcomb. When you take occasions to see leeks hereafter, I pray you, mock at 'em, that is all.

PISTOL

Good.

PISTOL

Good.

FLUELLEN

Ay, leeks is good. Hold you, there is a groat to heal your pate.

FLUELLEN

Ay, leeks is good. Hold you, there is a groat to heal your pate.

PISTOL

Me, a groat?

PISTOL

Me, a groat?

FLUELLEN

Yes, verily, and in truth you shall take it, or I have another leek in my pocket, which you shall eat.

FLUELLEN

Yes, verily, and in truth you shall take it, or I have another leek in my pocket, which you shall eat.

PISTOL

I take thy groat in earnest of revenge.

PISTOL

I take thy groat in earnest of revenge.

FLUELLEN

If I owe you anything, I will pay you in cudgels. You shall be a woodmonger and buy nothing of me but cudgels. God be wi' you and keep you and heal your pate.

FLUELLEN

If I owe you anything, I will pay you in cudgels. You shall be a woodmonger and buy nothing of me but cudgels. God be wi' you and keep you and heal your pate.
Exit
Exit

PISTOL

All hell shall stir for this.

PISTOL

All hell shall stir for this.

GOWER

Go, go. You are a counterfeit cowardly knave. Will you mock at an ancient tradition begun upon an honorable respect and worn as a memorable trophy of predeceased valor, and dare not avouch in your deeds any of your words? I have seen you gleeking and galling at this gentleman twice or thrice. You thought because he could not speak English in the native garb, he could not therefore handle an English cudgel. You find it otherwise, and henceforth let a Welsh correction teach you a good English condition. Fare you well.

GOWER

Go, go. You are a counterfeit cowardly knave. Will you mock at an ancient tradition begun upon an honorable respect and worn as a memorable trophy of predeceased valor, and dare not avouch in your deeds any of your words? I have seen you gleeking and galling at this gentleman twice or thrice. You thought because he could not speak English in the native garb, he could not therefore handle an English cudgel. You find it otherwise, and henceforth let a Welsh correction teach you a good English condition. Fare you well.
Exit
Exit

PISTOL

Doth Fortune play the huswife with me now?
News have I that my Nell is dead i' th' spital
Of a malady of France,
75 And there my rendezvous is quite cut off.
Old I do wax, and from my weary limbs
Honor is cudgeled. Well, bawd I’ll turn,
And something lean to cutpurse of quick hand.
To England will I steal, and there I’ll steal.
80 And patches will I get unto these cudgeled scars,
And swear I got them in the Gallia wars.

PISTOL

Doth Fortune play the huswife with me now?
News have I that my Nell is dead i' th' spital
Of a malady of France,
And there my rendezvous is quite cut off.
Old I do wax, and from my weary limbs
Honor is cudgeled. Well, bawd I’ll turn,
And something lean to cutpurse of quick hand.
To England will I steal, and there I’ll steal.
And patches will I get unto these cudgeled scars,
And swear I got them in the Gallia wars.
Exit
Exit

Original Text

Modern Text

Enter FLUELLEN and GOWER
Enter FLUELLEN and GOWER

GOWER

Nay, that’s right. But why wear you your leek today? Saint
Davy’s day is past.

GOWER

Nay, that’s right. But why wear you your leek today? Saint
Davy’s day is past.

FLUELLEN

There is occasions and causes why and wherefore in all things. I will tell you as my friend, Captain Gower. The rascally, scald, beggarly, lousy, pragging knave, Pistol, which you and yourself and all the world know to be no petter than a fellow, look you now, of no merits, he is come to me and prings me pread and salt yesterday, look you, and bid me eat my leek. It was in place where I could not breed no contention with him, but I will be so bold as to wear it in my cap till I see him once again, and then I will tell him a little piece of my desires.

FLUELLEN

There is occasions and causes why and wherefore in all things. I will tell you as my friend, Captain Gower. The rascally, scald, beggarly, lousy, pragging knave, Pistol, which you and yourself and all the world know to be no petter than a fellow, look you now, of no merits, he is come to me and prings me pread and salt yesterday, look you, and bid me eat my leek. It was in place where I could not breed no contention with him, but I will be so bold as to wear it in my cap till I see him once again, and then I will tell him a little piece of my desires.
Enter PISTOL
Enter PISTOL

GOWER

Why, here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock.

GOWER

Why, here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock.

FLUELLEN

'Tis no matter for his swellings, nor his turkey-cocks.—
15 God pless you, Aunchient Pistol, you scurvy, lousy knave,
God pless you.

FLUELLEN

'Tis no matter for his swellings, nor his turkey-cocks.—
God pless you, Aunchient Pistol, you scurvy, lousy knave,
God pless you.

PISTOL

Ha, art thou bedlam? Dost thou thirst, base Trojan, to have me fold up Parca’s fatal web? Hence. I am qualmish at the smell of leek.

PISTOL

Ha, art thou bedlam? Dost thou thirst, base Trojan, to have me fold up Parca’s fatal web? Hence. I am qualmish at the smell of leek.

FLUELLEN

I peseech you heartily, scurvy, lousy knave, at my desires, and my requests, and my petitions, to eat, look you, this leek. Because, look you, you do not love it, nor your affections and your appetites and your digestions does not agree with it, I would desire you to eat it.

FLUELLEN

I peseech you heartily, scurvy, lousy knave, at my desires, and my requests, and my petitions, to eat, look you, this leek. Because, look you, you do not love it, nor your affections and your appetites and your digestions does not agree with it, I would desire you to eat it.

PISTOL

25 Not for Cadwallader and all his goats.

PISTOL

Not for Cadwallader and all his goats.

FLUELLEN

There is one goat for you. (strikes him) Will you be so good, scald knave, as eat it?

FLUELLEN

There is one goat for you. (strikes him) Will you be so good, scald knave, as eat it?

PISTOL

Base Trojan, thou shalt die.

PISTOL

Base Trojan, thou shalt die.

FLUELLEN

You say very true, scald knave, when God’s will is. I will desire you to live in the meantime and eat your victuals. Come, there is sauce for it. (strikes him) You called me yesterday “mountain squire,” but I will make you today a squire of low degree. I pray you, fall to. If you can mock a leek, you can eat a leek.

FLUELLEN

You say very true, scald knave, when God’s will is. I will desire you to live in the meantime and eat your victuals. Come, there is sauce for it. (strikes him) You called me yesterday “mountain squire,” but I will make you today a squire of low degree. I pray you, fall to. If you can mock a leek, you can eat a leek.

GOWER

35 Enough, Captain. You have astonished him.

GOWER

Enough, Captain. You have astonished him.

FLUELLEN

I say I will make him eat some part of my leek, or I will peat his pate four days.—Bite, I pray you. It is good for your green wound and your ploody coxcomb.

FLUELLEN

I say I will make him eat some part of my leek, or I will peat his pate four days.—Bite, I pray you. It is good for your green wound and your ploody coxcomb.

PISTOL

Must I bite?

PISTOL

Must I bite?

FLUELLEN

Yes, certainly, and out of doubt and out of question, too, and ambiguities.

FLUELLEN

Yes, certainly, and out of doubt and out of question, too, and ambiguities.

PISTOL

By this leek, I will most horribly revenge. I eat and eat, I swear—

PISTOL

By this leek, I will most horribly revenge. I eat and eat, I swear—

FLUELLEN

Eat, I pray you. Will you have some more sauce to your leek? There is not enough leek to swear by.

FLUELLEN

Eat, I pray you. Will you have some more sauce to your leek? There is not enough leek to swear by.

PISTOL

Quiet thy cudgel. Thou dost see I eat.

PISTOL

Quiet thy cudgel. Thou dost see I eat.

FLUELLEN

Much good do you, scald knave, heartily. Nay, pray you throw none away. The skin is good for your broken coxcomb. When you take occasions to see leeks hereafter, I pray you, mock at 'em, that is all.

FLUELLEN

Much good do you, scald knave, heartily. Nay, pray you throw none away. The skin is good for your broken coxcomb. When you take occasions to see leeks hereafter, I pray you, mock at 'em, that is all.

PISTOL

Good.

PISTOL

Good.

FLUELLEN

Ay, leeks is good. Hold you, there is a groat to heal your pate.

FLUELLEN

Ay, leeks is good. Hold you, there is a groat to heal your pate.

PISTOL

Me, a groat?

PISTOL

Me, a groat?

FLUELLEN

Yes, verily, and in truth you shall take it, or I have another leek in my pocket, which you shall eat.

FLUELLEN

Yes, verily, and in truth you shall take it, or I have another leek in my pocket, which you shall eat.

PISTOL

I take thy groat in earnest of revenge.

PISTOL

I take thy groat in earnest of revenge.

FLUELLEN

If I owe you anything, I will pay you in cudgels. You shall be a woodmonger and buy nothing of me but cudgels. God be wi' you and keep you and heal your pate.

FLUELLEN

If I owe you anything, I will pay you in cudgels. You shall be a woodmonger and buy nothing of me but cudgels. God be wi' you and keep you and heal your pate.
Exit
Exit

PISTOL

All hell shall stir for this.

PISTOL

All hell shall stir for this.

GOWER

Go, go. You are a counterfeit cowardly knave. Will you mock at an ancient tradition begun upon an honorable respect and worn as a memorable trophy of predeceased valor, and dare not avouch in your deeds any of your words? I have seen you gleeking and galling at this gentleman twice or thrice. You thought because he could not speak English in the native garb, he could not therefore handle an English cudgel. You find it otherwise, and henceforth let a Welsh correction teach you a good English condition. Fare you well.

GOWER

Go, go. You are a counterfeit cowardly knave. Will you mock at an ancient tradition begun upon an honorable respect and worn as a memorable trophy of predeceased valor, and dare not avouch in your deeds any of your words? I have seen you gleeking and galling at this gentleman twice or thrice. You thought because he could not speak English in the native garb, he could not therefore handle an English cudgel. You find it otherwise, and henceforth let a Welsh correction teach you a good English condition. Fare you well.
Exit
Exit

PISTOL

Doth Fortune play the huswife with me now?
News have I that my Nell is dead i' th' spital
Of a malady of France,
75 And there my rendezvous is quite cut off.
Old I do wax, and from my weary limbs
Honor is cudgeled. Well, bawd I’ll turn,
And something lean to cutpurse of quick hand.
To England will I steal, and there I’ll steal.
80 And patches will I get unto these cudgeled scars,
And swear I got them in the Gallia wars.

PISTOL

Doth Fortune play the huswife with me now?
News have I that my Nell is dead i' th' spital
Of a malady of France,
And there my rendezvous is quite cut off.
Old I do wax, and from my weary limbs
Honor is cudgeled. Well, bawd I’ll turn,
And something lean to cutpurse of quick hand.
To England will I steal, and there I’ll steal.
And patches will I get unto these cudgeled scars,
And swear I got them in the Gallia wars.
Exit
Exit