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Enter two DRAWERS
Enter two DRAWERS

FRANCIS

What the devil hast thou brought there—applejohns? Thou
knowest Sir John cannot endure an applejohn.

FRANCIS

What the devil hast thou brought there—applejohns? Thou
knowest Sir John cannot endure an applejohn.

SECOND DRAWER

Mass, thou sayest true. The Prince once set a dish of
applejohns before him and told him there were five more Sir
5 Johns and, putting off his hat, said “I will now take my leave
of these six dry, round, old, withered knights.” It angered
him to the heart. But he hath forgot that.

SECOND DRAWER

Mass, thou sayest true. The Prince once set a dish of
applejohns before him and told him there were five more Sir
Johns and, putting off his hat, said “I will now take my leave
of these six dry, round, old, withered knights.” It angered
him to the heart. But he hath forgot that.

FRANCIS

Why then, cover, and set them down, and see if thou canst
find out Sneak’s noise. Mistress Tearsheet would fain hear
10 some music.

FRANCIS

Why then, cover, and set them down, and see if thou canst
find out Sneak’s noise. Mistress Tearsheet would fain hear
some music.
Enter THIRD DRAWER
Enter THIRD DRAWER

THIRD DRAWER

Dispatch: the room where they supped is too hot. They’ll
come in straight.

THIRD DRAWER

Dispatch: the room where they supped is too hot. They’ll
come in straight.

FRANCIS

Sirrah, here will be the Prince and Master Poins anon, and
they will put on two of our jerkins and aprons, and Sir John
15 must not know of it. Bardolph hath brought word.

FRANCIS

Sirrah, here will be the Prince and Master Poins anon, and
they will put on two of our jerkins and aprons, and Sir John
must not know of it. Bardolph hath brought word.

THIRD DRAWER

By the Mass, here will be old utis. It will be an excellent
stratagem.

THIRD DRAWER

By the Mass, here will be old utis. It will be an excellent
stratagem.

SECOND DRAWER

I’ll see if I can find out Sneak.

SECOND DRAWER

I’ll see if I can find out Sneak.
FRANCIS and THE DRAWERS exit
FRANCIS and THE DRAWERS exit
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY and DOLL TEARSHEET
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY and DOLL TEARSHEET

MISTRESS QUICKLY

I' faith, sweetheart, methinks now you are in an excellent
20 good temperality. Your pulsidge beats as extraordinarily as
heart would desire, and your color, I warrant you, is as red
as any rose, in good truth, la. But, i' faith, you have drunk
too much canaries, and that’s a marvellous searching wine,
and it perfumes the blood ere one can say “What’s this?”
25 How do you now?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

I' faith, sweetheart, methinks now you are in an excellent
good temperality. Your pulsidge beats as extraordinarily as
heart would desire, and your color, I warrant you, is as red
as any rose, in good truth, la. But, i' faith, you have drunk
too much canaries, and that’s a marvellous searching wine,
and it perfumes the blood ere one can say “What’s this?”
How do you now?

DOLL TEARSHEET

Better than I was. Hem.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Better than I was. Hem.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Why, that’s well said. A good heart’s worth gold.
Lo, here comes Sir John.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Why, that’s well said. A good heart’s worth gold.
Lo, here comes Sir John.
Enter FALSTAFF
Enter FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF

(sings) When Arthur first in court—Empty the jordan.
(sings) And was a worthy king—How now, Mistress Doll?

FALSTAFF

(sings) When Arthur first in court—Empty the jordan.
(sings) And was a worthy king—How now, Mistress Doll?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Sick of a calm, yea, good faith.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Sick of a calm, yea, good faith.

FALSTAFF

So is all her sect. An they be once in a calm, they are sick.

FALSTAFF

So is all her sect. An they be once in a calm, they are sick.

DOLL TEARSHEET

A pox damn you, muddy rascal. Is that all the comfort you
give me?

DOLL TEARSHEET

A pox damn you, muddy rascal. Is that all the comfort you
give me?

FALSTAFF

35 You make fat rascals, Mistress Doll.

FALSTAFF

You make fat rascals, Mistress Doll.

DOLL TEARSHEET

I make them? Gluttony and diseases make them; I make
them not.

DOLL TEARSHEET

I make them? Gluttony and diseases make them; I make
them not.

FALSTAFF

If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to make the
diseases, Doll. We catch of you, Doll, we catch of you. Grant
40 that, my poor virtue, grant that.

FALSTAFF

If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to make the
diseases, Doll. We catch of you, Doll, we catch of you. Grant
that, my poor virtue, grant that.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Yea, joy, our chains and our jewels.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Yea, joy, our chains and our jewels.

FALSTAFF

Your broaches, pearls, and ouches—for to serve bravely is
to come halting off, you know; to come off the breach with
his pike bent bravely, and to surgery bravely, to venture upon
45 the charged chambers bravely—

FALSTAFF

Your broaches, pearls, and ouches—for to serve bravely is
to come halting off, you know; to come off the breach with
his pike bent bravely, and to surgery bravely, to venture upon
the charged chambers bravely—

DOLL TEARSHEET

Hang yourself, you muddy conger, hang yourself!

DOLL TEARSHEET

Hang yourself, you muddy conger, hang yourself!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

By my troth, this is the old fashion. You two never meet but
you fall to some discord. You are both, i' good truth, as
rheumatic as two dry toasts. You cannot one bear with
50 another’s confirmities. What the good-year! One must bear,
and that must be you. You are the weaker vessel, as they say,
the emptier vessel.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

By my troth, this is the old fashion. You two never meet but
you fall to some discord. You are both, i' good truth, as
rheumatic as two dry toasts. You cannot one bear with
another’s confirmities. What the good-year! One must bear,
and that must be you. You are the weaker vessel, as they say,
the emptier vessel.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full hogshead?
There’s a whole merchant’s venture of Bourdeaux stuff in
55 him. You have not seen a hulk better stuffed in the hold. —
ome, I’ll be friends with thee, Jack. Thou art going to the

DOLL TEARSHEET

Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full hogshead?
There’s a whole merchant’s venture of Bourdeaux stuff in
him. You have not seen a hulk better stuffed in the hold. —
ome, I’ll be friends with thee, Jack. Thou art going to the
wars, and whether I shall ever see thee again or no, there is
nobody cares.
wars, and whether I shall ever see thee again or no, there is
nobody cares.
Enter FIRST DRAWER
Enter FIRST DRAWER

FIRST DRAWER

Sir, Ancient Pistol’s below and would speak with
60 you.

FIRST DRAWER

Sir, Ancient Pistol’s below and would speak with
you.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Hang him, swaggering rascal! Let him not come hither. It is
the foul-mouthed’st rogue in England.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Hang him, swaggering rascal! Let him not come hither. It is
the foul-mouthed’st rogue in England.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

If he swagger, let him not come here. No, by my faith, I must
live among my neighbors. I’ll no swaggerers: I am in good
65 name and fame with the very best. Shut the door. There
comes no swaggerers here. I have not lived all this while to
have swaggering now. Shut the door, I pray you.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

If he swagger, let him not come here. No, by my faith, I must
live among my neighbors. I’ll no swaggerers: I am in good
name and fame with the very best. Shut the door. There
comes no swaggerers here. I have not lived all this while to
have swaggering now. Shut the door, I pray you.

FALSTAFF

Dost thou hear, hostess?

FALSTAFF

Dost thou hear, hostess?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Pray you pacify yourself, Sir John. There comes no swaggerers
70 here.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Pray you pacify yourself, Sir John. There comes no swaggerers
here.

FALSTAFF

Dost thou hear? It is mine ancient.

FALSTAFF

Dost thou hear? It is mine ancient.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Tilly-vally, Sir John, ne'er tell me. And your ancient
swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before Master
Tisick, the debuty t' other day, and, as he said to me—’twas
75 no longer ago than Wednesday last, i' good faith—
“Neighbour Quickly,” says he—Master Dumb, our minister,
was by then—“Neighbour Quickly,” says he, “receive those
that are civil, for,” said he, “you are in an ill name.” Now he
said so, I can tell whereupon. “For,” says he, “you are an
80 honest woman, and well thought on. Therefore take heed
what guests you receive. Receive,” says he, “no swaggering

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Tilly-vally, Sir John, ne'er tell me. And your ancient
swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before Master
Tisick, the debuty t' other day, and, as he said to me—’twas
no longer ago than Wednesday last, i' good faith—
“Neighbour Quickly,” says he—Master Dumb, our minister,
was by then—“Neighbour Quickly,” says he, “receive those
that are civil, for,” said he, “you are in an ill name.” Now he
said so, I can tell whereupon. “For,” says he, “you are an
honest woman, and well thought on. Therefore take heed
what guests you receive. Receive,” says he, “no swaggering
companions.” There comes none here. You would bless you
to hear what he said. No, I’ll no swaggerers.
companions.” There comes none here. You would bless you
to hear what he said. No, I’ll no swaggerers.

FALSTAFF

He’s no swaggerer, hostess, a tame cheater, i' faith. You may
85 stroke him as gently as a puppy greyhound. He’ll not
swagger with a Barbary hen if her feathers turn back in any
show of resistance.—Call him up, drawer.

FALSTAFF

He’s no swaggerer, hostess, a tame cheater, i' faith. You may
stroke him as gently as a puppy greyhound. He’ll not
swagger with a Barbary hen if her feathers turn back in any
show of resistance.—Call him up, drawer.
Exit FIRST DRAWER
Exit FIRST DRAWER

MISTRESS QUICKLY

“Cheater,” call you him? I will bar no honest man my house,
nor no cheater, but I do not love swaggering. By my troth,
90 I am the worse when one says “swagger.” Feel, masters, how
I shake; look you, I warrant you.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

“Cheater,” call you him? I will bar no honest man my house,
nor no cheater, but I do not love swaggering. By my troth,
I am the worse when one says “swagger.” Feel, masters, how
I shake; look you, I warrant you.

DOLL TEARSHEET

So you do, hostess.

DOLL TEARSHEET

So you do, hostess.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Do I? Yea, in very truth, do I, an ’twere an aspen leaf. I
cannot abide swaggerers.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Do I? Yea, in very truth, do I, an ’twere an aspen leaf. I
cannot abide swaggerers.
Enter PISTOL , BARDOLPH , and the PAGE
Enter PISTOL , BARDOLPH , and the PAGE

PISTOL

95 God save you, Sir John.

PISTOL

God save you, Sir John.

FALSTAFF

Welcome, Ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge you with a
cup of sack. Do you discharge upon mine hostess.

FALSTAFF

Welcome, Ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge you with a
cup of sack. Do you discharge upon mine hostess.

PISTOL

I will discharge upon her, Sir John, with two bullets.

PISTOL

I will discharge upon her, Sir John, with two bullets.

FALSTAFF

She is pistol-proof. Sir, you shall not hardly offend her.

FALSTAFF

She is pistol-proof. Sir, you shall not hardly offend her.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

100 Come, I’ll drink no proofs nor no bullets. I’ll drink no more
than will do me good, for no man’s pleasure, I.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Come, I’ll drink no proofs nor no bullets. I’ll drink no more
than will do me good, for no man’s pleasure, I.

PISTOL

Then to you, Mistress Dorothy! I will charge you.

PISTOL

Then to you, Mistress Dorothy! I will charge you.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Charge me! I scorn you, scurvy companion. What, you poor,
base, rascally, cheating lack-linen mate! Away, you mouldy
105 rogue, away! I am meat for your master.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Charge me! I scorn you, scurvy companion. What, you poor,
base, rascally, cheating lack-linen mate! Away, you mouldy
rogue, away! I am meat for your master.

PISTOL

I know you, Mistress Dorothy.

PISTOL

I know you, Mistress Dorothy.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Away, you cutpurse rascal, you filthy bung, away! By this
wine, I’ll thrust my knife in your mouldy chaps an you play
the saucy cuttle with me. Away, you bottle-ale rascal, you
110 basket-hilt stale juggler, you. Since when, I pray you, sir?
God’s light, with two points on your shoulder? Much!

DOLL TEARSHEET

Away, you cutpurse rascal, you filthy bung, away! By this
wine, I’ll thrust my knife in your mouldy chaps an you play
the saucy cuttle with me. Away, you bottle-ale rascal, you
basket-hilt stale juggler, you. Since when, I pray you, sir?
God’s light, with two points on your shoulder? Much!

PISTOL

God let me not live, but I will murder your ruff for this.

PISTOL

God let me not live, but I will murder your ruff for this.

FALSTAFF

No more, Pistol. I would not have you go off here. Discharge
yourself of our company, Pistol.

FALSTAFF

No more, Pistol. I would not have you go off here. Discharge
yourself of our company, Pistol.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

115 No, good Captain Pistol, not here, sweet captain.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

No, good Captain Pistol, not here, sweet captain.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Captain? Thou abominable damned cheater, art thou not
ashamed to be called captain? An captains were of my mind,
they would truncheon you out for taking their names upon
you before you have earned them. You a captain? You slave,

DOLL TEARSHEET

Captain? Thou abominable damned cheater, art thou not
ashamed to be called captain? An captains were of my mind,
they would truncheon you out for taking their names upon
you before you have earned them. You a captain? You slave,
120 for what? For tearing a poor whore’s ruff in a bawdy house?
He a captain! Hang him, rogue. He lives upon mouldy
stewed prunes and dried cakes. A captain? God’s light, these
villains will make the word as odious as the word “occupy,”
which was an excellent good word before it was ill sorted.
125 Therefore captains had need look to ’t.
for what? For tearing a poor whore’s ruff in a bawdy house?
He a captain! Hang him, rogue. He lives upon mouldy
stewed prunes and dried cakes. A captain? God’s light, these
villains will make the word as odious as the word “occupy,”
which was an excellent good word before it was ill sorted.
Therefore captains had need look to ’t.

BARDOLPH

Pray thee go down, good ancient.

BARDOLPH

Pray thee go down, good ancient.

FALSTAFF

Hark thee hither, Mistress Doll.

FALSTAFF

Hark thee hither, Mistress Doll.

PISTOL

Not I. I tell thee what, Corporal Bardolph, I could tear her.
I’ll be revenged of her.

PISTOL

Not I. I tell thee what, Corporal Bardolph, I could tear her.
I’ll be revenged of her.

PAGE

130 Pray thee go down.

PAGE

Pray thee go down.

PISTOL

I’ll see her damned first to Pluto’s damnèd lake, by this
hand, to th' infernal deep with Erebus and tortures vile also.
Hold hook and line, say I. Down, down, dogs! Down, Fates!
Have we not Hiren here?

PISTOL

I’ll see her damned first to Pluto’s damnèd lake, by this
hand, to th' infernal deep with Erebus and tortures vile also.
Hold hook and line, say I. Down, down, dogs! Down, Fates!
Have we not Hiren here?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

135 Good Captain Peesell, be quiet. 'Tis very late, i' faith. I
beseek you now, aggravate your choler.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Good Captain Peesell, be quiet. 'Tis very late, i' faith. I
beseek you now, aggravate your choler.

PISTOL

These be good humors indeed. Shall pack-horses
And hollow pampered jades of Asia, which cannot go but
   thirty mile a day,
Compare with Caesars and with cannibals, and Troyant
      Greeks? Nay, rather damn them with King
   Cerberus, and let the welkin roar. Shall we fall foul
   for toys?

PISTOL

These be good humors indeed. Shall pack-horses
And hollow pampered jades of Asia, which cannot go but
   thirty mile a day,
Compare with Caesars and with cannibals, and Troyant
      Greeks? Nay, rather damn them with King
   Cerberus, and let the welkin roar. Shall we fall foul
   for toys?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

140 By my troth, captain, these are very bitter words.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

By my troth, captain, these are very bitter words.

BARDOLPH

Begone, good ancient. This will grow to a brawl anon.

BARDOLPH

Begone, good ancient. This will grow to a brawl anon.

PISTOL

Die men like dogs! Give crowns like pins! Have we not
Hiren here?

PISTOL

Die men like dogs! Give crowns like pins! Have we not
Hiren here?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O' my word, captain, there’s none such here. What the good-
145 year, do you think I would deny her? For God’s sake, be
quiet.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O' my word, captain, there’s none such here. What the good-
year, do you think I would deny her? For God’s sake, be
quiet.

PISTOL

Then feed and be fat, my fair Calipolis. Come, give ’s some
sack. Si fortune me tormente, sperato me contento. Fear we
broadsides? No, let the fiend give fire. Give me some sack,
150 and, sweetheart, lie thou there. (lays down his sword) Come
we to full points here? And are etceteras nothing?

PISTOL

Then feed and be fat, my fair Calipolis. Come, give ’s some
sack. Si fortune me tormente, sperato me contento. Fear we
broadsides? No, let the fiend give fire. Give me some sack,
and, sweetheart, lie thou there. (lays down his sword) Come
we to full points here? And are etceteras nothing?

FALSTAFF

Pistol, I would be quiet.

FALSTAFF

Pistol, I would be quiet.

PISTOL

Sweet knight, I kiss thy neaf. What, we have seen the seven
stars.

PISTOL

Sweet knight, I kiss thy neaf. What, we have seen the seven
stars.

DOLL TEARSHEET

155 For God’s sake, thrust him downstairs. I cannot endure such
a fustian rascal.

DOLL TEARSHEET

For God’s sake, thrust him downstairs. I cannot endure such
a fustian rascal.

PISTOL

“Thrust him downstairs”? Know we not Galloway nags?

PISTOL

“Thrust him downstairs”? Know we not Galloway nags?

FALSTAFF

Quoit him down, Bardolph, like a shove-groat shilling. Nay,
an he do nothing but speak nothing, he shall be nothing here.

FALSTAFF

Quoit him down, Bardolph, like a shove-groat shilling. Nay,
an he do nothing but speak nothing, he shall be nothing here.

BARDOLPH

160 Come, get you downstairs.

BARDOLPH

Come, get you downstairs.

PISTOL

What! shall we have incision? Shall we imbrue? (snatches up his sword) Then death rock me asleep, abridge my doleful
days. Why then, let grievous, ghastly, gaping wounds
untwine the Sisters Three. Come, Atropos, I say.

PISTOL

What! shall we have incision? Shall we imbrue? (snatches up his sword) Then death rock me asleep, abridge my doleful
days. Why then, let grievous, ghastly, gaping wounds
untwine the Sisters Three. Come, Atropos, I say.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

165 Here’s goodly stuff toward!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Here’s goodly stuff toward!

FALSTAFF

Give me my rapier, boy.

FALSTAFF

Give me my rapier, boy.

DOLL TEARSHEET

I pray thee, Jack, I pray thee do not draw.

DOLL TEARSHEET

I pray thee, Jack, I pray thee do not draw.

FALSTAFF

Get you downstairs. (drawing and driving PISTO out)

FALSTAFF

Get you downstairs. (drawing and driving PISTO out)

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Here’s a goodly tumult. I’ll forswear keeping house afore
170 I’ll be in these tirrits and frights. So, murder, I warrant now.
Alas, alas, put up your naked weapons, put up your naked
weapons.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Here’s a goodly tumult. I’ll forswear keeping house afore
I’ll be in these tirrits and frights. So, murder, I warrant now.
Alas, alas, put up your naked weapons, put up your naked
weapons.
Exeunt PISTOL pursued by BARDOLPH
Exeunt PISTOL pursued by BARDOLPH

DOLL TEARSHEET

I pray thee, Jack, be quiet. The rascal’s gone. Ah, you
whoreson little valiant villain, you.

DOLL TEARSHEET

I pray thee, Jack, be quiet. The rascal’s gone. Ah, you
whoreson little valiant villain, you.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

175 Are you not hurt i' the groin? Methought he made a shrewd thrust at your belly.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Are you not hurt i' the groin? Methought he made a shrewd thrust at your belly.
Enter BARDOLPH
Enter BARDOLPH

FALSTAFF

Have you turned him out o' doors?

FALSTAFF

Have you turned him out o' doors?

BARDOLPH

Yea, sir. The rascal’s drunk. You have hurt him, sir, i' the shoulder.

BARDOLPH

Yea, sir. The rascal’s drunk. You have hurt him, sir, i' the shoulder.

FALSTAFF

A rascal to brave me!

FALSTAFF

A rascal to brave me!

DOLL TEARSHEET

Ah, you sweet little rogue, you. Alas, poor ape, how thou
180 sweat’st! Come, let me wipe thy face. Come on, you
whoreson chops. Ah, rogue, i' faith, I love thee. Thou art as
valorous as Hector of Troy, worth five of Agamemnon, and
ten times better than the Nine Worthies. Ah, villain!

DOLL TEARSHEET

Ah, you sweet little rogue, you. Alas, poor ape, how thou
sweat’st! Come, let me wipe thy face. Come on, you
whoreson chops. Ah, rogue, i' faith, I love thee. Thou art as
valorous as Hector of Troy, worth five of Agamemnon, and
ten times better than the Nine Worthies. Ah, villain!

FALSTAFF

Ah, rascally slave! I will toss the rogue in a blanket.

FALSTAFF

Ah, rascally slave! I will toss the rogue in a blanket.

DOLL TEARSHEET

185 Do, an thou darest for thy heart. An thou dost, I’ll canvass
thee between a pair of sheets.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Do, an thou darest for thy heart. An thou dost, I’ll canvass
thee between a pair of sheets.
Enter musicians
Enter musicians

PAGE

The music is come, sir.

PAGE

The music is come, sir.

FALSTAFF

Let them play.—Play, sirs.—Sit on my knee, Doll. A rascal
bragging slave! The rogue fled from me like quicksilver.

FALSTAFF

Let them play.—Play, sirs.—Sit on my knee, Doll. A rascal
bragging slave! The rogue fled from me like quicksilver.

DOLL TEARSHEET

190 I' faith, and thou followed’st him like a church. Thou
whoreson little tidy Bartholomew boar-pig, when wilt thou
leave fighting a-days and foining a-nights and begin to patch
up thine old body for heaven?

DOLL TEARSHEET

I' faith, and thou followed’st him like a church. Thou
whoreson little tidy Bartholomew boar-pig, when wilt thou
leave fighting a-days and foining a-nights and begin to patch
up thine old body for heaven?
Enter, behind, PRINCE HENRY and POINS , disguised as drawers
Enter, behind, PRINCE HENRY and POINS , disguised as drawers

FALSTAFF

Peace, good Doll. Do not speak like a death’s-head; do not bid
195 me remember mine end.

FALSTAFF

Peace, good Doll. Do not speak like a death’s-head; do not bid
me remember mine end.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Sirrah, what humor’s the Prince of?

DOLL TEARSHEET

Sirrah, what humor’s the Prince of?

FALSTAFF

A good shallow young fellow, he would have made a good
pantler; he would a' chipped bread well.

FALSTAFF

A good shallow young fellow, he would have made a good
pantler; he would a' chipped bread well.

DOLL TEARSHEET

They say Poins has a good wit.

DOLL TEARSHEET

They say Poins has a good wit.

FALSTAFF

200 He a good wit? Hang him, baboon. His wit’s as thick as
Tewksbury mustard. There’s no more conceit in him than is
in a mallet.

FALSTAFF

He a good wit? Hang him, baboon. His wit’s as thick as
Tewksbury mustard. There’s no more conceit in him than is
in a mallet.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Why does the Prince love him so then?

DOLL TEARSHEET

Why does the Prince love him so then?

FALSTAFF

Because their legs are both of a bigness, and he plays at
205 quoits well, and eats conger and fennel, and drinks off
candles' ends for flap-dragons, and rides the wild mare with
the boys, and jumps upon joint stools, and swears with a
good grace, and wears his boots very smooth, like unto the
sign of the Leg, and breeds no bate with telling of discreet
210 stories, and such other gambol faculties he has that show a
weak mind and an able body, for the which the Prince admits
him; for the Prince himself is such another. The weight of a
hair will turn the scales between their avoirdupois.

FALSTAFF

Because their legs are both of a bigness, and he plays at
quoits well, and eats conger and fennel, and drinks off
candles' ends for flap-dragons, and rides the wild mare with
the boys, and jumps upon joint stools, and swears with a
good grace, and wears his boots very smooth, like unto the
sign of the Leg, and breeds no bate with telling of discreet
stories, and such other gambol faculties he has that show a
weak mind and an able body, for the which the Prince admits
him; for the Prince himself is such another. The weight of a
hair will turn the scales between their avoirdupois.

PRINCE HENRY

(to POINS) Would not this nave of a wheel have his ears cut off?

PRINCE HENRY

(to POINS) Would not this nave of a wheel have his ears cut off?

POINS

215 Let’s beat him before his whore.

POINS

Let’s beat him before his whore.

PRINCE HENRY

Look whe'er the withered elder hath not his poll clawed like
a parrot.

PRINCE HENRY

Look whe'er the withered elder hath not his poll clawed like
a parrot.

POINS

Is it not strange that desire should so many years outlive
performance?

POINS

Is it not strange that desire should so many years outlive
performance?

FALSTAFF

220 Kiss me, Doll.

FALSTAFF

Kiss me, Doll.

PRINCE HENRY

Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction! What says th'
almanac to that?

PRINCE HENRY

Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction! What says th'
almanac to that?

POINS

And look whether the fiery trigon, his man, be not lisping to
his master’s old tables, his notebook, his counsel keeper.

POINS

And look whether the fiery trigon, his man, be not lisping to
his master’s old tables, his notebook, his counsel keeper.

FALSTAFF

(to DOLL) Thou dost give me flattering busses.

FALSTAFF

(to DOLL) Thou dost give me flattering busses.

DOLL TEARSHEET

By my troth, I kiss thee with a most constant heart.

DOLL TEARSHEET

By my troth, I kiss thee with a most constant heart.

FALSTAFF

I am old, I am old.

FALSTAFF

I am old, I am old.

DOLL TEARSHEET

I love thee better than I love e'er a scurvy young boy of them
all.

DOLL TEARSHEET

I love thee better than I love e'er a scurvy young boy of them
all.

FALSTAFF

230 What stuff wilt have a kirtle of? I shall receive money o'
Thursday; shalt have a cap tomorrow. A merry song! Come,
it grows late. We’ll to bed. Thou 'lt forget me when I am
gone.

FALSTAFF

What stuff wilt have a kirtle of? I shall receive money o'
Thursday; shalt have a cap tomorrow. A merry song! Come,
it grows late. We’ll to bed. Thou 'lt forget me when I am
gone.

DOLL TEARSHEET

By my troth, thou 'lt set me a-weeping an thou sayest so.
235 Prove that ever I dress myself handsome till thy return. Well,
harken a' th' end.

DOLL TEARSHEET

By my troth, thou 'lt set me a-weeping an thou sayest so.
Prove that ever I dress myself handsome till thy return. Well,
harken a' th' end.

FALSTAFF

Some sack, Francis.

FALSTAFF

Some sack, Francis.

PRINCE HENRY AND POINS

Anon, anon, sir.

PRINCE HENRY AND POINS

Anon, anon, sir.
Coming forward
Coming forward

FALSTAFF

Ha? A bastard son of the King’s?—And art not thou
240 Poins his brother?

FALSTAFF

Ha? A bastard son of the King’s?—And art not thou
Poins his brother?

PRINCE HENRY

Why, thou globe of sinful continents, what a life dost thou
lead?

PRINCE HENRY

Why, thou globe of sinful continents, what a life dost thou
lead?

FALSTAFF

A better than thou. I am a gentleman. Thou art a drawer.

FALSTAFF

A better than thou. I am a gentleman. Thou art a drawer.

PRINCE HENRY

Very true, sir, and I come to draw you out by the ears.

PRINCE HENRY

Very true, sir, and I come to draw you out by the ears.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

245 O, the Lord preserve thy good Grace! By my troth, welcome
to London. Now the Lord bless that sweet face of thine. O
Jesu, are you come from Wales?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O, the Lord preserve thy good Grace! By my troth, welcome
to London. Now the Lord bless that sweet face of thine. O
Jesu, are you come from Wales?

FALSTAFF

Thou whoreson mad compound of majesty, (indicating
DOLL) by this light flesh and corrupt blood, thou art welcome.

FALSTAFF

Thou whoreson mad compound of majesty, (indicating
DOLL) by this light flesh and corrupt blood, thou art welcome.

DOLL TEARSHEET

250 How? You fat fool, I scorn you.

DOLL TEARSHEET

How? You fat fool, I scorn you.

POINS

My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge and turn all
to a merriment, if you take not the heat.

POINS

My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge and turn all
to a merriment, if you take not the heat.

PRINCE HENRY

You whoreson candle-mine, you how vilely did you speak of
me even now before this honest, virtuous, civil
255 gentlewoman!

PRINCE HENRY

You whoreson candle-mine, you how vilely did you speak of
me even now before this honest, virtuous, civil
gentlewoman!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

God’s blessing of your good heart, and so she is, by my troth.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

God’s blessing of your good heart, and so she is, by my troth.

FALSTAFF

Didst thou hear me?

FALSTAFF

Didst thou hear me?

PRINCE HENRY

Yea, and you knew me, as you did when you ran away by
Gad’s Hill. You knew I was at your back, and spoke it on
260 purpose to try my patience.

PRINCE HENRY

Yea, and you knew me, as you did when you ran away by
Gad’s Hill. You knew I was at your back, and spoke it on
purpose to try my patience.

FALSTAFF

No, no, no; not so. I did not think thou wast within hearing.

FALSTAFF

No, no, no; not so. I did not think thou wast within hearing.

PRINCE HENRY

I shall drive you, then, to confess the wilfull abuse, and then
I know how to handle you.

PRINCE HENRY

I shall drive you, then, to confess the wilfull abuse, and then
I know how to handle you.

FALSTAFF

No abuse, Hal, o' mine honor, no abuse.

FALSTAFF

No abuse, Hal, o' mine honor, no abuse.

PRINCE HENRY

265 Not to dispraise me and call me pantier and bread-chipper
and I know not what?

PRINCE HENRY

Not to dispraise me and call me pantier and bread-chipper
and I know not what?

FALSTAFF

No abuse, Hal.

FALSTAFF

No abuse, Hal.

POINS

No abuse?

POINS

No abuse?

FALSTAFF

No abuse, Ned, i' th' world, honest Ned, none. I dispraised
270 him before the wicked, that the wicked might not fall in love
with thee; in which doing, I have done the part of a careful
friend and a true subject, and thy father is to give me thanks
for it. No abuse, Hal.—None, Ned, none. No, faith, boys, none.

FALSTAFF

No abuse, Ned, i' th' world, honest Ned, none. I dispraised
him before the wicked, that the wicked might not fall in love
with thee; in which doing, I have done the part of a careful
friend and a true subject, and thy father is to give me thanks
for it. No abuse, Hal.—None, Ned, none. No, faith, boys, none.

PRINCE HENRY

See now whether pure fear and entire cowardice doth not
275 make thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close with
us. Is she of the wicked, is thine hostess here of the wicked,
or is thy boy of the wicked, or honest Bardolph, whose zeal
burns in his nose, of the wicked?

PRINCE HENRY

See now whether pure fear and entire cowardice doth not
make thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close with
us. Is she of the wicked, is thine hostess here of the wicked,
or is thy boy of the wicked, or honest Bardolph, whose zeal
burns in his nose, of the wicked?

POINS

Answer, thou dead elm, answer.

POINS

Answer, thou dead elm, answer.

FALSTAFF

280 The fiend hath pricked down Bardolph irrecoverable, and
his face is Lucifer’s privy kitchen, where he doth nothing but
roast malt-worms. For the boy, there is a good angel about
him, but the devil outbids him too.

FALSTAFF

The fiend hath pricked down Bardolph irrecoverable, and
his face is Lucifer’s privy kitchen, where he doth nothing but
roast malt-worms. For the boy, there is a good angel about
him, but the devil outbids him too.

PRINCE HENRY

For the women?

PRINCE HENRY

For the women?

FALSTAFF

285 For one of them, she’s in hell already and burns poor souls.
For the other, I owe her money, and whether she be damned
for that I know not.

FALSTAFF

For one of them, she’s in hell already and burns poor souls.
For the other, I owe her money, and whether she be damned
for that I know not.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

No, I warrant you.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

No, I warrant you.

FALSTAFF

No, I think thou art not; I think thou art quit for that. Marry,
290 there is another indictment upon thee for suffering flesh to
be eaten in thy house contrary to the law, for the which I
think thou wilt howl.

FALSTAFF

No, I think thou art not; I think thou art quit for that. Marry,
there is another indictment upon thee for suffering flesh to
be eaten in thy house contrary to the law, for the which I
think thou wilt howl.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

All vitlars do so. What’s a joint of mutton or two in a whole
Lent?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

All vitlars do so. What’s a joint of mutton or two in a whole
Lent?

PRINCE HENRY

295 You, gentlewoman.

PRINCE HENRY

You, gentlewoman.

DOLL TEARSHEET

What says your Grace?

DOLL TEARSHEET

What says your Grace?

FALSTAFF

His grace says that which his flesh rebels against.

FALSTAFF

His grace says that which his flesh rebels against.
Knocking within
Knocking within

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Who knocks so loud at door? Look to th' door there, Francis.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Who knocks so loud at door? Look to th' door there, Francis.
Enter PETO
Enter PETO

PRINCE HENRY

Peto, how now, what news?

PRINCE HENRY

Peto, how now, what news?

PETO

300 The King your father is at Westminster,
And there are twenty weak and wearied posts
Come from the north, and as I came along
I met and overtook a dozen captains,
Bareheaded, sweating, knocking at the taverns
305 And asking everyone for Sir John Falstaff.

PETO

The King your father is at Westminster,
And there are twenty weak and wearied posts
Come from the north, and as I came along
I met and overtook a dozen captains,
Bareheaded, sweating, knocking at the taverns
And asking everyone for Sir John Falstaff.

PRINCE HENRY

By heaven, Poins, I feel me much to blame
So idly to profane the precious time
When tempest of commotion, like the south
Borne with black vapour, doth begin to melt
310 And drop upon our bare unarmèd heads.—
Give me my sword and cloak.—Falstaff, good night.

PRINCE HENRY

By heaven, Poins, I feel me much to blame
So idly to profane the precious time
When tempest of commotion, like the south
Borne with black vapour, doth begin to melt
And drop upon our bare unarmèd heads.—
Give me my sword and cloak.—Falstaff, good night.
Exeunt PRINCE HENRY , POINS , PETO and BARDOLPH
Exeunt PRINCE HENRY , POINS , PETO and BARDOLPH

FALSTAFF

Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the night, and we must hence and leave it unpicked.

FALSTAFF

Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the night, and we must hence and leave it unpicked.
Knocking within
Knocking within
More knocking at the door?
More knocking at the door?
Enter BARDOLPH
Enter BARDOLPH
How now, what’s the matter?
How now, what’s the matter?

BARDOLPH

315 You must away to court, sir, presently.
A dozen captains stay at door for you.

BARDOLPH

You must away to court, sir, presently.
A dozen captains stay at door for you.

FALSTAFF

(to the PAGE) Pay the musicians, sirrah.—Farewell,
hostess.—Farewell, Doll. You see, my good wenches, how
men of merit are sought after. The undeserver may sleep
320 when the man of action is called on. Farewell, good
wenches. If I be not sent away post, I will see you again ere
I go.

FALSTAFF

(to the PAGE) Pay the musicians, sirrah.—Farewell,
hostess.—Farewell, Doll. You see, my good wenches, how
men of merit are sought after. The undeserver may sleep
when the man of action is called on. Farewell, good
wenches. If I be not sent away post, I will see you again ere
I go.

DOLL TEARSHEET

I cannot speak. If my heart be not ready to burst—well,
sweet Jack, have a care of thyself.

DOLL TEARSHEET

I cannot speak. If my heart be not ready to burst—well,
sweet Jack, have a care of thyself.

FALSTAFF

325 Farewell, farewell.

FALSTAFF

Farewell, farewell.
Exeunt FALSTAFF , BARDOLPH , PAGE , and musicians
Exeunt FALSTAFF , BARDOLPH , PAGE , and musicians

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Well, fare thee well. I have known thee these twenty-nine
years, come peascod time, but an honester and truer-hearted
man—well, fare thee well.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Well, fare thee well. I have known thee these twenty-nine
years, come peascod time, but an honester and truer-hearted
man—well, fare thee well.

BARDOLPH

(within) Mistress Tearsheet!

BARDOLPH

(within) Mistress Tearsheet!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

330 What’s the matter?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

What’s the matter?

BARDOLPH

(within) Bid Mistress Tearsheet come to my master.

BARDOLPH

(within) Bid Mistress Tearsheet come to my master.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O, run, Doll, run, run, good Doll. Come.—She comes
blubbered.—Yea! Will you come, Doll?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O, run, Doll, run, run, good Doll. Come.—She comes
blubbered.—Yea! Will you come, Doll?
Exeunt
Exeunt

Original Text

Modern Text

Enter two DRAWERS
Enter two DRAWERS

FRANCIS

What the devil hast thou brought there—applejohns? Thou
knowest Sir John cannot endure an applejohn.

FRANCIS

What the devil hast thou brought there—applejohns? Thou
knowest Sir John cannot endure an applejohn.

SECOND DRAWER

Mass, thou sayest true. The Prince once set a dish of
applejohns before him and told him there were five more Sir
5 Johns and, putting off his hat, said “I will now take my leave
of these six dry, round, old, withered knights.” It angered
him to the heart. But he hath forgot that.

SECOND DRAWER

Mass, thou sayest true. The Prince once set a dish of
applejohns before him and told him there were five more Sir
Johns and, putting off his hat, said “I will now take my leave
of these six dry, round, old, withered knights.” It angered
him to the heart. But he hath forgot that.

FRANCIS

Why then, cover, and set them down, and see if thou canst
find out Sneak’s noise. Mistress Tearsheet would fain hear
10 some music.

FRANCIS

Why then, cover, and set them down, and see if thou canst
find out Sneak’s noise. Mistress Tearsheet would fain hear
some music.
Enter THIRD DRAWER
Enter THIRD DRAWER

THIRD DRAWER

Dispatch: the room where they supped is too hot. They’ll
come in straight.

THIRD DRAWER

Dispatch: the room where they supped is too hot. They’ll
come in straight.

FRANCIS

Sirrah, here will be the Prince and Master Poins anon, and
they will put on two of our jerkins and aprons, and Sir John
15 must not know of it. Bardolph hath brought word.

FRANCIS

Sirrah, here will be the Prince and Master Poins anon, and
they will put on two of our jerkins and aprons, and Sir John
must not know of it. Bardolph hath brought word.

THIRD DRAWER

By the Mass, here will be old utis. It will be an excellent
stratagem.

THIRD DRAWER

By the Mass, here will be old utis. It will be an excellent
stratagem.

SECOND DRAWER

I’ll see if I can find out Sneak.

SECOND DRAWER

I’ll see if I can find out Sneak.
FRANCIS and THE DRAWERS exit
FRANCIS and THE DRAWERS exit
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY and DOLL TEARSHEET
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY and DOLL TEARSHEET

MISTRESS QUICKLY

I' faith, sweetheart, methinks now you are in an excellent
20 good temperality. Your pulsidge beats as extraordinarily as
heart would desire, and your color, I warrant you, is as red
as any rose, in good truth, la. But, i' faith, you have drunk
too much canaries, and that’s a marvellous searching wine,
and it perfumes the blood ere one can say “What’s this?”
25 How do you now?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

I' faith, sweetheart, methinks now you are in an excellent
good temperality. Your pulsidge beats as extraordinarily as
heart would desire, and your color, I warrant you, is as red
as any rose, in good truth, la. But, i' faith, you have drunk
too much canaries, and that’s a marvellous searching wine,
and it perfumes the blood ere one can say “What’s this?”
How do you now?

DOLL TEARSHEET

Better than I was. Hem.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Better than I was. Hem.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Why, that’s well said. A good heart’s worth gold.
Lo, here comes Sir John.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Why, that’s well said. A good heart’s worth gold.
Lo, here comes Sir John.
Enter FALSTAFF
Enter FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF

(sings) When Arthur first in court—Empty the jordan.
(sings) And was a worthy king—How now, Mistress Doll?

FALSTAFF

(sings) When Arthur first in court—Empty the jordan.
(sings) And was a worthy king—How now, Mistress Doll?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Sick of a calm, yea, good faith.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Sick of a calm, yea, good faith.

FALSTAFF

So is all her sect. An they be once in a calm, they are sick.

FALSTAFF

So is all her sect. An they be once in a calm, they are sick.

DOLL TEARSHEET

A pox damn you, muddy rascal. Is that all the comfort you
give me?

DOLL TEARSHEET

A pox damn you, muddy rascal. Is that all the comfort you
give me?

FALSTAFF

35 You make fat rascals, Mistress Doll.

FALSTAFF

You make fat rascals, Mistress Doll.

DOLL TEARSHEET

I make them? Gluttony and diseases make them; I make
them not.

DOLL TEARSHEET

I make them? Gluttony and diseases make them; I make
them not.

FALSTAFF

If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to make the
diseases, Doll. We catch of you, Doll, we catch of you. Grant
40 that, my poor virtue, grant that.

FALSTAFF

If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to make the
diseases, Doll. We catch of you, Doll, we catch of you. Grant
that, my poor virtue, grant that.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Yea, joy, our chains and our jewels.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Yea, joy, our chains and our jewels.

FALSTAFF

Your broaches, pearls, and ouches—for to serve bravely is
to come halting off, you know; to come off the breach with
his pike bent bravely, and to surgery bravely, to venture upon
45 the charged chambers bravely—

FALSTAFF

Your broaches, pearls, and ouches—for to serve bravely is
to come halting off, you know; to come off the breach with
his pike bent bravely, and to surgery bravely, to venture upon
the charged chambers bravely—

DOLL TEARSHEET

Hang yourself, you muddy conger, hang yourself!

DOLL TEARSHEET

Hang yourself, you muddy conger, hang yourself!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

By my troth, this is the old fashion. You two never meet but
you fall to some discord. You are both, i' good truth, as
rheumatic as two dry toasts. You cannot one bear with
50 another’s confirmities. What the good-year! One must bear,
and that must be you. You are the weaker vessel, as they say,
the emptier vessel.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

By my troth, this is the old fashion. You two never meet but
you fall to some discord. You are both, i' good truth, as
rheumatic as two dry toasts. You cannot one bear with
another’s confirmities. What the good-year! One must bear,
and that must be you. You are the weaker vessel, as they say,
the emptier vessel.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full hogshead?
There’s a whole merchant’s venture of Bourdeaux stuff in
55 him. You have not seen a hulk better stuffed in the hold. —
ome, I’ll be friends with thee, Jack. Thou art going to the

DOLL TEARSHEET

Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full hogshead?
There’s a whole merchant’s venture of Bourdeaux stuff in
him. You have not seen a hulk better stuffed in the hold. —
ome, I’ll be friends with thee, Jack. Thou art going to the
wars, and whether I shall ever see thee again or no, there is
nobody cares.
wars, and whether I shall ever see thee again or no, there is
nobody cares.
Enter FIRST DRAWER
Enter FIRST DRAWER

FIRST DRAWER

Sir, Ancient Pistol’s below and would speak with
60 you.

FIRST DRAWER

Sir, Ancient Pistol’s below and would speak with
you.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Hang him, swaggering rascal! Let him not come hither. It is
the foul-mouthed’st rogue in England.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Hang him, swaggering rascal! Let him not come hither. It is
the foul-mouthed’st rogue in England.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

If he swagger, let him not come here. No, by my faith, I must
live among my neighbors. I’ll no swaggerers: I am in good
65 name and fame with the very best. Shut the door. There
comes no swaggerers here. I have not lived all this while to
have swaggering now. Shut the door, I pray you.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

If he swagger, let him not come here. No, by my faith, I must
live among my neighbors. I’ll no swaggerers: I am in good
name and fame with the very best. Shut the door. There
comes no swaggerers here. I have not lived all this while to
have swaggering now. Shut the door, I pray you.

FALSTAFF

Dost thou hear, hostess?

FALSTAFF

Dost thou hear, hostess?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Pray you pacify yourself, Sir John. There comes no swaggerers
70 here.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Pray you pacify yourself, Sir John. There comes no swaggerers
here.

FALSTAFF

Dost thou hear? It is mine ancient.

FALSTAFF

Dost thou hear? It is mine ancient.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Tilly-vally, Sir John, ne'er tell me. And your ancient
swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before Master
Tisick, the debuty t' other day, and, as he said to me—’twas
75 no longer ago than Wednesday last, i' good faith—
“Neighbour Quickly,” says he—Master Dumb, our minister,
was by then—“Neighbour Quickly,” says he, “receive those
that are civil, for,” said he, “you are in an ill name.” Now he
said so, I can tell whereupon. “For,” says he, “you are an
80 honest woman, and well thought on. Therefore take heed
what guests you receive. Receive,” says he, “no swaggering

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Tilly-vally, Sir John, ne'er tell me. And your ancient
swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before Master
Tisick, the debuty t' other day, and, as he said to me—’twas
no longer ago than Wednesday last, i' good faith—
“Neighbour Quickly,” says he—Master Dumb, our minister,
was by then—“Neighbour Quickly,” says he, “receive those
that are civil, for,” said he, “you are in an ill name.” Now he
said so, I can tell whereupon. “For,” says he, “you are an
honest woman, and well thought on. Therefore take heed
what guests you receive. Receive,” says he, “no swaggering
companions.” There comes none here. You would bless you
to hear what he said. No, I’ll no swaggerers.
companions.” There comes none here. You would bless you
to hear what he said. No, I’ll no swaggerers.

FALSTAFF

He’s no swaggerer, hostess, a tame cheater, i' faith. You may
85 stroke him as gently as a puppy greyhound. He’ll not
swagger with a Barbary hen if her feathers turn back in any
show of resistance.—Call him up, drawer.

FALSTAFF

He’s no swaggerer, hostess, a tame cheater, i' faith. You may
stroke him as gently as a puppy greyhound. He’ll not
swagger with a Barbary hen if her feathers turn back in any
show of resistance.—Call him up, drawer.
Exit FIRST DRAWER
Exit FIRST DRAWER

MISTRESS QUICKLY

“Cheater,” call you him? I will bar no honest man my house,
nor no cheater, but I do not love swaggering. By my troth,
90 I am the worse when one says “swagger.” Feel, masters, how
I shake; look you, I warrant you.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

“Cheater,” call you him? I will bar no honest man my house,
nor no cheater, but I do not love swaggering. By my troth,
I am the worse when one says “swagger.” Feel, masters, how
I shake; look you, I warrant you.

DOLL TEARSHEET

So you do, hostess.

DOLL TEARSHEET

So you do, hostess.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Do I? Yea, in very truth, do I, an ’twere an aspen leaf. I
cannot abide swaggerers.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Do I? Yea, in very truth, do I, an ’twere an aspen leaf. I
cannot abide swaggerers.
Enter PISTOL , BARDOLPH , and the PAGE
Enter PISTOL , BARDOLPH , and the PAGE

PISTOL

95 God save you, Sir John.

PISTOL

God save you, Sir John.

FALSTAFF

Welcome, Ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge you with a
cup of sack. Do you discharge upon mine hostess.

FALSTAFF

Welcome, Ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge you with a
cup of sack. Do you discharge upon mine hostess.

PISTOL

I will discharge upon her, Sir John, with two bullets.

PISTOL

I will discharge upon her, Sir John, with two bullets.

FALSTAFF

She is pistol-proof. Sir, you shall not hardly offend her.

FALSTAFF

She is pistol-proof. Sir, you shall not hardly offend her.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

100 Come, I’ll drink no proofs nor no bullets. I’ll drink no more
than will do me good, for no man’s pleasure, I.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Come, I’ll drink no proofs nor no bullets. I’ll drink no more
than will do me good, for no man’s pleasure, I.

PISTOL

Then to you, Mistress Dorothy! I will charge you.

PISTOL

Then to you, Mistress Dorothy! I will charge you.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Charge me! I scorn you, scurvy companion. What, you poor,
base, rascally, cheating lack-linen mate! Away, you mouldy
105 rogue, away! I am meat for your master.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Charge me! I scorn you, scurvy companion. What, you poor,
base, rascally, cheating lack-linen mate! Away, you mouldy
rogue, away! I am meat for your master.

PISTOL

I know you, Mistress Dorothy.

PISTOL

I know you, Mistress Dorothy.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Away, you cutpurse rascal, you filthy bung, away! By this
wine, I’ll thrust my knife in your mouldy chaps an you play
the saucy cuttle with me. Away, you bottle-ale rascal, you
110 basket-hilt stale juggler, you. Since when, I pray you, sir?
God’s light, with two points on your shoulder? Much!

DOLL TEARSHEET

Away, you cutpurse rascal, you filthy bung, away! By this
wine, I’ll thrust my knife in your mouldy chaps an you play
the saucy cuttle with me. Away, you bottle-ale rascal, you
basket-hilt stale juggler, you. Since when, I pray you, sir?
God’s light, with two points on your shoulder? Much!

PISTOL

God let me not live, but I will murder your ruff for this.

PISTOL

God let me not live, but I will murder your ruff for this.

FALSTAFF

No more, Pistol. I would not have you go off here. Discharge
yourself of our company, Pistol.

FALSTAFF

No more, Pistol. I would not have you go off here. Discharge
yourself of our company, Pistol.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

115 No, good Captain Pistol, not here, sweet captain.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

No, good Captain Pistol, not here, sweet captain.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Captain? Thou abominable damned cheater, art thou not
ashamed to be called captain? An captains were of my mind,
they would truncheon you out for taking their names upon
you before you have earned them. You a captain? You slave,

DOLL TEARSHEET

Captain? Thou abominable damned cheater, art thou not
ashamed to be called captain? An captains were of my mind,
they would truncheon you out for taking their names upon
you before you have earned them. You a captain? You slave,
120 for what? For tearing a poor whore’s ruff in a bawdy house?
He a captain! Hang him, rogue. He lives upon mouldy
stewed prunes and dried cakes. A captain? God’s light, these
villains will make the word as odious as the word “occupy,”
which was an excellent good word before it was ill sorted.
125 Therefore captains had need look to ’t.
for what? For tearing a poor whore’s ruff in a bawdy house?
He a captain! Hang him, rogue. He lives upon mouldy
stewed prunes and dried cakes. A captain? God’s light, these
villains will make the word as odious as the word “occupy,”
which was an excellent good word before it was ill sorted.
Therefore captains had need look to ’t.

BARDOLPH

Pray thee go down, good ancient.

BARDOLPH

Pray thee go down, good ancient.

FALSTAFF

Hark thee hither, Mistress Doll.

FALSTAFF

Hark thee hither, Mistress Doll.

PISTOL

Not I. I tell thee what, Corporal Bardolph, I could tear her.
I’ll be revenged of her.

PISTOL

Not I. I tell thee what, Corporal Bardolph, I could tear her.
I’ll be revenged of her.

PAGE

130 Pray thee go down.

PAGE

Pray thee go down.

PISTOL

I’ll see her damned first to Pluto’s damnèd lake, by this
hand, to th' infernal deep with Erebus and tortures vile also.
Hold hook and line, say I. Down, down, dogs! Down, Fates!
Have we not Hiren here?

PISTOL

I’ll see her damned first to Pluto’s damnèd lake, by this
hand, to th' infernal deep with Erebus and tortures vile also.
Hold hook and line, say I. Down, down, dogs! Down, Fates!
Have we not Hiren here?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

135 Good Captain Peesell, be quiet. 'Tis very late, i' faith. I
beseek you now, aggravate your choler.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Good Captain Peesell, be quiet. 'Tis very late, i' faith. I
beseek you now, aggravate your choler.

PISTOL

These be good humors indeed. Shall pack-horses
And hollow pampered jades of Asia, which cannot go but
   thirty mile a day,
Compare with Caesars and with cannibals, and Troyant
      Greeks? Nay, rather damn them with King
   Cerberus, and let the welkin roar. Shall we fall foul
   for toys?

PISTOL

These be good humors indeed. Shall pack-horses
And hollow pampered jades of Asia, which cannot go but
   thirty mile a day,
Compare with Caesars and with cannibals, and Troyant
      Greeks? Nay, rather damn them with King
   Cerberus, and let the welkin roar. Shall we fall foul
   for toys?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

140 By my troth, captain, these are very bitter words.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

By my troth, captain, these are very bitter words.

BARDOLPH

Begone, good ancient. This will grow to a brawl anon.

BARDOLPH

Begone, good ancient. This will grow to a brawl anon.

PISTOL

Die men like dogs! Give crowns like pins! Have we not
Hiren here?

PISTOL

Die men like dogs! Give crowns like pins! Have we not
Hiren here?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O' my word, captain, there’s none such here. What the good-
145 year, do you think I would deny her? For God’s sake, be
quiet.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O' my word, captain, there’s none such here. What the good-
year, do you think I would deny her? For God’s sake, be
quiet.

PISTOL

Then feed and be fat, my fair Calipolis. Come, give ’s some
sack. Si fortune me tormente, sperato me contento. Fear we
broadsides? No, let the fiend give fire. Give me some sack,
150 and, sweetheart, lie thou there. (lays down his sword) Come
we to full points here? And are etceteras nothing?

PISTOL

Then feed and be fat, my fair Calipolis. Come, give ’s some
sack. Si fortune me tormente, sperato me contento. Fear we
broadsides? No, let the fiend give fire. Give me some sack,
and, sweetheart, lie thou there. (lays down his sword) Come
we to full points here? And are etceteras nothing?

FALSTAFF

Pistol, I would be quiet.

FALSTAFF

Pistol, I would be quiet.

PISTOL

Sweet knight, I kiss thy neaf. What, we have seen the seven
stars.

PISTOL

Sweet knight, I kiss thy neaf. What, we have seen the seven
stars.

DOLL TEARSHEET

155 For God’s sake, thrust him downstairs. I cannot endure such
a fustian rascal.

DOLL TEARSHEET

For God’s sake, thrust him downstairs. I cannot endure such
a fustian rascal.

PISTOL

“Thrust him downstairs”? Know we not Galloway nags?

PISTOL

“Thrust him downstairs”? Know we not Galloway nags?

FALSTAFF

Quoit him down, Bardolph, like a shove-groat shilling. Nay,
an he do nothing but speak nothing, he shall be nothing here.

FALSTAFF

Quoit him down, Bardolph, like a shove-groat shilling. Nay,
an he do nothing but speak nothing, he shall be nothing here.

BARDOLPH

160 Come, get you downstairs.

BARDOLPH

Come, get you downstairs.

PISTOL

What! shall we have incision? Shall we imbrue? (snatches up his sword) Then death rock me asleep, abridge my doleful
days. Why then, let grievous, ghastly, gaping wounds
untwine the Sisters Three. Come, Atropos, I say.

PISTOL

What! shall we have incision? Shall we imbrue? (snatches up his sword) Then death rock me asleep, abridge my doleful
days. Why then, let grievous, ghastly, gaping wounds
untwine the Sisters Three. Come, Atropos, I say.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

165 Here’s goodly stuff toward!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Here’s goodly stuff toward!

FALSTAFF

Give me my rapier, boy.

FALSTAFF

Give me my rapier, boy.

DOLL TEARSHEET

I pray thee, Jack, I pray thee do not draw.

DOLL TEARSHEET

I pray thee, Jack, I pray thee do not draw.

FALSTAFF

Get you downstairs. (drawing and driving PISTO out)

FALSTAFF

Get you downstairs. (drawing and driving PISTO out)

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Here’s a goodly tumult. I’ll forswear keeping house afore
170 I’ll be in these tirrits and frights. So, murder, I warrant now.
Alas, alas, put up your naked weapons, put up your naked
weapons.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Here’s a goodly tumult. I’ll forswear keeping house afore
I’ll be in these tirrits and frights. So, murder, I warrant now.
Alas, alas, put up your naked weapons, put up your naked
weapons.
Exeunt PISTOL pursued by BARDOLPH
Exeunt PISTOL pursued by BARDOLPH

DOLL TEARSHEET

I pray thee, Jack, be quiet. The rascal’s gone. Ah, you
whoreson little valiant villain, you.

DOLL TEARSHEET

I pray thee, Jack, be quiet. The rascal’s gone. Ah, you
whoreson little valiant villain, you.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

175 Are you not hurt i' the groin? Methought he made a shrewd thrust at your belly.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Are you not hurt i' the groin? Methought he made a shrewd thrust at your belly.
Enter BARDOLPH
Enter BARDOLPH

FALSTAFF

Have you turned him out o' doors?

FALSTAFF

Have you turned him out o' doors?

BARDOLPH

Yea, sir. The rascal’s drunk. You have hurt him, sir, i' the shoulder.

BARDOLPH

Yea, sir. The rascal’s drunk. You have hurt him, sir, i' the shoulder.

FALSTAFF

A rascal to brave me!

FALSTAFF

A rascal to brave me!

DOLL TEARSHEET

Ah, you sweet little rogue, you. Alas, poor ape, how thou
180 sweat’st! Come, let me wipe thy face. Come on, you
whoreson chops. Ah, rogue, i' faith, I love thee. Thou art as
valorous as Hector of Troy, worth five of Agamemnon, and
ten times better than the Nine Worthies. Ah, villain!

DOLL TEARSHEET

Ah, you sweet little rogue, you. Alas, poor ape, how thou
sweat’st! Come, let me wipe thy face. Come on, you
whoreson chops. Ah, rogue, i' faith, I love thee. Thou art as
valorous as Hector of Troy, worth five of Agamemnon, and
ten times better than the Nine Worthies. Ah, villain!

FALSTAFF

Ah, rascally slave! I will toss the rogue in a blanket.

FALSTAFF

Ah, rascally slave! I will toss the rogue in a blanket.

DOLL TEARSHEET

185 Do, an thou darest for thy heart. An thou dost, I’ll canvass
thee between a pair of sheets.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Do, an thou darest for thy heart. An thou dost, I’ll canvass
thee between a pair of sheets.
Enter musicians
Enter musicians

PAGE

The music is come, sir.

PAGE

The music is come, sir.

FALSTAFF

Let them play.—Play, sirs.—Sit on my knee, Doll. A rascal
bragging slave! The rogue fled from me like quicksilver.

FALSTAFF

Let them play.—Play, sirs.—Sit on my knee, Doll. A rascal
bragging slave! The rogue fled from me like quicksilver.

DOLL TEARSHEET

190 I' faith, and thou followed’st him like a church. Thou
whoreson little tidy Bartholomew boar-pig, when wilt thou
leave fighting a-days and foining a-nights and begin to patch
up thine old body for heaven?

DOLL TEARSHEET

I' faith, and thou followed’st him like a church. Thou
whoreson little tidy Bartholomew boar-pig, when wilt thou
leave fighting a-days and foining a-nights and begin to patch
up thine old body for heaven?
Enter, behind, PRINCE HENRY and POINS , disguised as drawers
Enter, behind, PRINCE HENRY and POINS , disguised as drawers

FALSTAFF

Peace, good Doll. Do not speak like a death’s-head; do not bid
195 me remember mine end.

FALSTAFF

Peace, good Doll. Do not speak like a death’s-head; do not bid
me remember mine end.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Sirrah, what humor’s the Prince of?

DOLL TEARSHEET

Sirrah, what humor’s the Prince of?

FALSTAFF

A good shallow young fellow, he would have made a good
pantler; he would a' chipped bread well.

FALSTAFF

A good shallow young fellow, he would have made a good
pantler; he would a' chipped bread well.

DOLL TEARSHEET

They say Poins has a good wit.

DOLL TEARSHEET

They say Poins has a good wit.

FALSTAFF

200 He a good wit? Hang him, baboon. His wit’s as thick as
Tewksbury mustard. There’s no more conceit in him than is
in a mallet.

FALSTAFF

He a good wit? Hang him, baboon. His wit’s as thick as
Tewksbury mustard. There’s no more conceit in him than is
in a mallet.

DOLL TEARSHEET

Why does the Prince love him so then?

DOLL TEARSHEET

Why does the Prince love him so then?

FALSTAFF

Because their legs are both of a bigness, and he plays at
205 quoits well, and eats conger and fennel, and drinks off
candles' ends for flap-dragons, and rides the wild mare with
the boys, and jumps upon joint stools, and swears with a
good grace, and wears his boots very smooth, like unto the
sign of the Leg, and breeds no bate with telling of discreet
210 stories, and such other gambol faculties he has that show a
weak mind and an able body, for the which the Prince admits
him; for the Prince himself is such another. The weight of a
hair will turn the scales between their avoirdupois.

FALSTAFF

Because their legs are both of a bigness, and he plays at
quoits well, and eats conger and fennel, and drinks off
candles' ends for flap-dragons, and rides the wild mare with
the boys, and jumps upon joint stools, and swears with a
good grace, and wears his boots very smooth, like unto the
sign of the Leg, and breeds no bate with telling of discreet
stories, and such other gambol faculties he has that show a
weak mind and an able body, for the which the Prince admits
him; for the Prince himself is such another. The weight of a
hair will turn the scales between their avoirdupois.

PRINCE HENRY

(to POINS) Would not this nave of a wheel have his ears cut off?

PRINCE HENRY

(to POINS) Would not this nave of a wheel have his ears cut off?

POINS

215 Let’s beat him before his whore.

POINS

Let’s beat him before his whore.

PRINCE HENRY

Look whe'er the withered elder hath not his poll clawed like
a parrot.

PRINCE HENRY

Look whe'er the withered elder hath not his poll clawed like
a parrot.

POINS

Is it not strange that desire should so many years outlive
performance?

POINS

Is it not strange that desire should so many years outlive
performance?

FALSTAFF

220 Kiss me, Doll.

FALSTAFF

Kiss me, Doll.

PRINCE HENRY

Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction! What says th'
almanac to that?

PRINCE HENRY

Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction! What says th'
almanac to that?

POINS

And look whether the fiery trigon, his man, be not lisping to
his master’s old tables, his notebook, his counsel keeper.

POINS

And look whether the fiery trigon, his man, be not lisping to
his master’s old tables, his notebook, his counsel keeper.

FALSTAFF

(to DOLL) Thou dost give me flattering busses.

FALSTAFF

(to DOLL) Thou dost give me flattering busses.

DOLL TEARSHEET

By my troth, I kiss thee with a most constant heart.

DOLL TEARSHEET

By my troth, I kiss thee with a most constant heart.

FALSTAFF

I am old, I am old.

FALSTAFF

I am old, I am old.

DOLL TEARSHEET

I love thee better than I love e'er a scurvy young boy of them
all.

DOLL TEARSHEET

I love thee better than I love e'er a scurvy young boy of them
all.

FALSTAFF

230 What stuff wilt have a kirtle of? I shall receive money o'
Thursday; shalt have a cap tomorrow. A merry song! Come,
it grows late. We’ll to bed. Thou 'lt forget me when I am
gone.

FALSTAFF

What stuff wilt have a kirtle of? I shall receive money o'
Thursday; shalt have a cap tomorrow. A merry song! Come,
it grows late. We’ll to bed. Thou 'lt forget me when I am
gone.

DOLL TEARSHEET

By my troth, thou 'lt set me a-weeping an thou sayest so.
235 Prove that ever I dress myself handsome till thy return. Well,
harken a' th' end.

DOLL TEARSHEET

By my troth, thou 'lt set me a-weeping an thou sayest so.
Prove that ever I dress myself handsome till thy return. Well,
harken a' th' end.

FALSTAFF

Some sack, Francis.

FALSTAFF

Some sack, Francis.

PRINCE HENRY AND POINS

Anon, anon, sir.

PRINCE HENRY AND POINS

Anon, anon, sir.
Coming forward
Coming forward

FALSTAFF

Ha? A bastard son of the King’s?—And art not thou
240 Poins his brother?

FALSTAFF

Ha? A bastard son of the King’s?—And art not thou
Poins his brother?

PRINCE HENRY

Why, thou globe of sinful continents, what a life dost thou
lead?

PRINCE HENRY

Why, thou globe of sinful continents, what a life dost thou
lead?

FALSTAFF

A better than thou. I am a gentleman. Thou art a drawer.

FALSTAFF

A better than thou. I am a gentleman. Thou art a drawer.

PRINCE HENRY

Very true, sir, and I come to draw you out by the ears.

PRINCE HENRY

Very true, sir, and I come to draw you out by the ears.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

245 O, the Lord preserve thy good Grace! By my troth, welcome
to London. Now the Lord bless that sweet face of thine. O
Jesu, are you come from Wales?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O, the Lord preserve thy good Grace! By my troth, welcome
to London. Now the Lord bless that sweet face of thine. O
Jesu, are you come from Wales?

FALSTAFF

Thou whoreson mad compound of majesty, (indicating
DOLL) by this light flesh and corrupt blood, thou art welcome.

FALSTAFF

Thou whoreson mad compound of majesty, (indicating
DOLL) by this light flesh and corrupt blood, thou art welcome.

DOLL TEARSHEET

250 How? You fat fool, I scorn you.

DOLL TEARSHEET

How? You fat fool, I scorn you.

POINS

My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge and turn all
to a merriment, if you take not the heat.

POINS

My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge and turn all
to a merriment, if you take not the heat.

PRINCE HENRY

You whoreson candle-mine, you how vilely did you speak of
me even now before this honest, virtuous, civil
255 gentlewoman!

PRINCE HENRY

You whoreson candle-mine, you how vilely did you speak of
me even now before this honest, virtuous, civil
gentlewoman!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

God’s blessing of your good heart, and so she is, by my troth.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

God’s blessing of your good heart, and so she is, by my troth.

FALSTAFF

Didst thou hear me?

FALSTAFF

Didst thou hear me?

PRINCE HENRY

Yea, and you knew me, as you did when you ran away by
Gad’s Hill. You knew I was at your back, and spoke it on
260 purpose to try my patience.

PRINCE HENRY

Yea, and you knew me, as you did when you ran away by
Gad’s Hill. You knew I was at your back, and spoke it on
purpose to try my patience.

FALSTAFF

No, no, no; not so. I did not think thou wast within hearing.

FALSTAFF

No, no, no; not so. I did not think thou wast within hearing.

PRINCE HENRY

I shall drive you, then, to confess the wilfull abuse, and then
I know how to handle you.

PRINCE HENRY

I shall drive you, then, to confess the wilfull abuse, and then
I know how to handle you.

FALSTAFF

No abuse, Hal, o' mine honor, no abuse.

FALSTAFF

No abuse, Hal, o' mine honor, no abuse.

PRINCE HENRY

265 Not to dispraise me and call me pantier and bread-chipper
and I know not what?

PRINCE HENRY

Not to dispraise me and call me pantier and bread-chipper
and I know not what?

FALSTAFF

No abuse, Hal.

FALSTAFF

No abuse, Hal.

POINS

No abuse?

POINS

No abuse?

FALSTAFF

No abuse, Ned, i' th' world, honest Ned, none. I dispraised
270 him before the wicked, that the wicked might not fall in love
with thee; in which doing, I have done the part of a careful
friend and a true subject, and thy father is to give me thanks
for it. No abuse, Hal.—None, Ned, none. No, faith, boys, none.

FALSTAFF

No abuse, Ned, i' th' world, honest Ned, none. I dispraised
him before the wicked, that the wicked might not fall in love
with thee; in which doing, I have done the part of a careful
friend and a true subject, and thy father is to give me thanks
for it. No abuse, Hal.—None, Ned, none. No, faith, boys, none.

PRINCE HENRY

See now whether pure fear and entire cowardice doth not
275 make thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close with
us. Is she of the wicked, is thine hostess here of the wicked,
or is thy boy of the wicked, or honest Bardolph, whose zeal
burns in his nose, of the wicked?

PRINCE HENRY

See now whether pure fear and entire cowardice doth not
make thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close with
us. Is she of the wicked, is thine hostess here of the wicked,
or is thy boy of the wicked, or honest Bardolph, whose zeal
burns in his nose, of the wicked?

POINS

Answer, thou dead elm, answer.

POINS

Answer, thou dead elm, answer.

FALSTAFF

280 The fiend hath pricked down Bardolph irrecoverable, and
his face is Lucifer’s privy kitchen, where he doth nothing but
roast malt-worms. For the boy, there is a good angel about
him, but the devil outbids him too.

FALSTAFF

The fiend hath pricked down Bardolph irrecoverable, and
his face is Lucifer’s privy kitchen, where he doth nothing but
roast malt-worms. For the boy, there is a good angel about
him, but the devil outbids him too.

PRINCE HENRY

For the women?

PRINCE HENRY

For the women?

FALSTAFF

285 For one of them, she’s in hell already and burns poor souls.
For the other, I owe her money, and whether she be damned
for that I know not.

FALSTAFF

For one of them, she’s in hell already and burns poor souls.
For the other, I owe her money, and whether she be damned
for that I know not.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

No, I warrant you.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

No, I warrant you.

FALSTAFF

No, I think thou art not; I think thou art quit for that. Marry,
290 there is another indictment upon thee for suffering flesh to
be eaten in thy house contrary to the law, for the which I
think thou wilt howl.

FALSTAFF

No, I think thou art not; I think thou art quit for that. Marry,
there is another indictment upon thee for suffering flesh to
be eaten in thy house contrary to the law, for the which I
think thou wilt howl.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

All vitlars do so. What’s a joint of mutton or two in a whole
Lent?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

All vitlars do so. What’s a joint of mutton or two in a whole
Lent?

PRINCE HENRY

295 You, gentlewoman.

PRINCE HENRY

You, gentlewoman.

DOLL TEARSHEET

What says your Grace?

DOLL TEARSHEET

What says your Grace?

FALSTAFF

His grace says that which his flesh rebels against.

FALSTAFF

His grace says that which his flesh rebels against.
Knocking within
Knocking within

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Who knocks so loud at door? Look to th' door there, Francis.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Who knocks so loud at door? Look to th' door there, Francis.
Enter PETO
Enter PETO

PRINCE HENRY

Peto, how now, what news?

PRINCE HENRY

Peto, how now, what news?

PETO

300 The King your father is at Westminster,
And there are twenty weak and wearied posts
Come from the north, and as I came along
I met and overtook a dozen captains,
Bareheaded, sweating, knocking at the taverns
305 And asking everyone for Sir John Falstaff.

PETO

The King your father is at Westminster,
And there are twenty weak and wearied posts
Come from the north, and as I came along
I met and overtook a dozen captains,
Bareheaded, sweating, knocking at the taverns
And asking everyone for Sir John Falstaff.

PRINCE HENRY

By heaven, Poins, I feel me much to blame
So idly to profane the precious time
When tempest of commotion, like the south
Borne with black vapour, doth begin to melt
310 And drop upon our bare unarmèd heads.—
Give me my sword and cloak.—Falstaff, good night.

PRINCE HENRY

By heaven, Poins, I feel me much to blame
So idly to profane the precious time
When tempest of commotion, like the south
Borne with black vapour, doth begin to melt
And drop upon our bare unarmèd heads.—
Give me my sword and cloak.—Falstaff, good night.
Exeunt PRINCE HENRY , POINS , PETO and BARDOLPH
Exeunt PRINCE HENRY , POINS , PETO and BARDOLPH

FALSTAFF

Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the night, and we must hence and leave it unpicked.

FALSTAFF

Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the night, and we must hence and leave it unpicked.
Knocking within
Knocking within
More knocking at the door?
More knocking at the door?
Enter BARDOLPH
Enter BARDOLPH
How now, what’s the matter?
How now, what’s the matter?

BARDOLPH

315 You must away to court, sir, presently.
A dozen captains stay at door for you.

BARDOLPH

You must away to court, sir, presently.
A dozen captains stay at door for you.

FALSTAFF

(to the PAGE) Pay the musicians, sirrah.—Farewell,
hostess.—Farewell, Doll. You see, my good wenches, how
men of merit are sought after. The undeserver may sleep
320 when the man of action is called on. Farewell, good
wenches. If I be not sent away post, I will see you again ere
I go.

FALSTAFF

(to the PAGE) Pay the musicians, sirrah.—Farewell,
hostess.—Farewell, Doll. You see, my good wenches, how
men of merit are sought after. The undeserver may sleep
when the man of action is called on. Farewell, good
wenches. If I be not sent away post, I will see you again ere
I go.

DOLL TEARSHEET

I cannot speak. If my heart be not ready to burst—well,
sweet Jack, have a care of thyself.

DOLL TEARSHEET

I cannot speak. If my heart be not ready to burst—well,
sweet Jack, have a care of thyself.

FALSTAFF

325 Farewell, farewell.

FALSTAFF

Farewell, farewell.
Exeunt FALSTAFF , BARDOLPH , PAGE , and musicians
Exeunt FALSTAFF , BARDOLPH , PAGE , and musicians

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Well, fare thee well. I have known thee these twenty-nine
years, come peascod time, but an honester and truer-hearted
man—well, fare thee well.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Well, fare thee well. I have known thee these twenty-nine
years, come peascod time, but an honester and truer-hearted
man—well, fare thee well.

BARDOLPH

(within) Mistress Tearsheet!

BARDOLPH

(within) Mistress Tearsheet!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

330 What’s the matter?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

What’s the matter?

BARDOLPH

(within) Bid Mistress Tearsheet come to my master.

BARDOLPH

(within) Bid Mistress Tearsheet come to my master.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O, run, Doll, run, run, good Doll. Come.—She comes
blubbered.—Yea! Will you come, Doll?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O, run, Doll, run, run, good Doll. Come.—She comes
blubbered.—Yea! Will you come, Doll?
Exeunt
Exeunt

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