No Fear Shakespeare: Henry IV, Part 1: Act 3 Scene 3

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Henry IV, Part 1

William Shakespeare

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Original Text	Modern Text
Enter FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH	Enter FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH
FALSTAFF Bardolph, am I not fallen away vilely since this last action? Do I not bate? Do I not dwindle? Why, my skin hangs about me like an like an old lady’s loose gown. I am withered like an old applejohn. Well, I’ll repent, and that suddenly, while I am in some liking. I shall be out of heart shortly, and then I shall have no strength to repent. An I have not forgotten what the inside of a church is made of, I am a peppercorn, a brewer’s horse. The inside of a church! Company, villanous company, hath been the spoil of me.	FALSTAFF Bardolph, am I not fallen away vilely since this last action? Do I not bate? Do I not dwindle? Why, my skin hangs about me like an like an old lady’s loose gown. I am withered like an old applejohn. Well, I’ll repent, and that suddenly, while I am in some liking. I shall be out of heart shortly, and then I shall have no strength to repent. An I have not forgotten what the inside of a church is made of, I am a peppercorn, a brewer’s horse. The inside of a church! Company, villanous company, hath been the spoil of me.
BARDOLPH 10 Sir John, you are so fretful you cannot live long.	BARDOLPH Sir John, you are so fretful you cannot live long.
FALSTAFF Why, there is it. Come sing me a bawdy song, make me merry. I was as virtuously given as a gentleman need to be, virtuous enough: swore little; diced not above seven times— a week; went to a bawdy house once in a quarter—of an hour; paid money that I borrowed, three or four times; lived well and in good compass; and now I live out of all order, out of all compass.	FALSTAFF Why, there is it. Come sing me a bawdy song, make me merry. I was as virtuously given as a gentleman need to be, virtuous enough: swore little; diced not above seven times— a week; went to a bawdy house once in a quarter—of an hour; paid money that I borrowed, three or four times; lived well and in good compass; and now I live out of all order, out of all compass.
BARDOLPH Why, you are so fat, Sir John, that you must needs be out of all compass, out of all reasonable compass, Sir John.	BARDOLPH Why, you are so fat, Sir John, that you must needs be out of all compass, out of all reasonable compass, Sir John.
FALSTAFF Do thou amend thy face, and I’ll amend my life. Thou art our admiral, thou bearest the lantern in the poop, but ’tis in the nose of thee. Thou art the knight of the burning lamp.	FALSTAFF Do thou amend thy face, and I’ll amend my life. Thou art our admiral, thou bearest the lantern in the poop, but ’tis in the nose of thee. Thou art the knight of the burning lamp.
BARDOLPH Why, Sir John, my face does you no harm.	BARDOLPH Why, Sir John, my face does you no harm.
FALSTAFF No, I’ll be sworn, I make as good use of it as many a man doth of a death’s-head or a memento mori. I never see thy face but I think upon hellfire and Dives that lived in purple, for there he is in his robes, burning, burning. If thou wert any way given to virtue, I would swear by thy face. My oath should be “By this fire, that’s God’s angel.” But thou art altogether given over, and wert indeed, but for the light in thy face, the son of utter darkness. When thou rannest up Gadshill in the night to catch my horse, if I did not think thou hadst been an ignis fatuus, or a ball of wildfire, there’s no purchase in money. O, thou art a perpetual triumph, an everlasting bonfire-light! Thou hast saved me a thousand marks in links and torches, walking with thee in the night betwixt tavern and tavern: but the sack that thou hast drunk me would have bought me lights as good cheap at the dearest chandler’s in Europe. I have maintained that salamander of yours with fire any time this two and thirty years, God reward me for it.	FALSTAFF No, I’ll be sworn, I make as good use of it as many a man doth of a death’s-head or a memento mori. I never see thy face but I think upon hellfire and Dives that lived in purple, for there he is in his robes, burning, burning. If thou wert any way given to virtue, I would swear by thy face. My oath should be “By this fire, that’s God’s angel.” But thou art altogether given over, and wert indeed, but for the light in thy face, the son of utter darkness. When thou rannest up Gadshill in the night to catch my horse, if I did not think thou hadst been an ignis fatuus, or a ball of wildfire, there’s no purchase in money. O, thou art a perpetual triumph, an everlasting bonfire-light! Thou hast saved me a thousand marks in links and torches, walking with thee in the night betwixt tavern and tavern: but the sack that thou hast drunk me would have bought me lights as good cheap at the dearest chandler’s in Europe. I have maintained that salamander of yours with fire any time this two and thirty years, God reward me for it.
BARDOLPH 'Sblood, I would my face were in your belly!	BARDOLPH 'Sblood, I would my face were in your belly!
FALSTAFF Godamercy, so should I be sure to be heart-burned!	FALSTAFF Godamercy, so should I be sure to be heart-burned!
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY	Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY
How now, Dame Partlet the hen, have you enquired yet who picked my pocket?	How now, Dame Partlet the hen, have you enquired yet who picked my pocket?
MISTRESS QUICKLY Why, Sir John, what do you think, Sir John, do you think I keep thieves in my house? I have searched, I have enquired, so has my husband, man by man, boy by boy, servant by servant. The tithe of a hair was never lost in my house before.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Why, Sir John, what do you think, Sir John, do you think I keep thieves in my house? I have searched, I have enquired, so has my husband, man by man, boy by boy, servant by servant. The tithe of a hair was never lost in my house before.
FALSTAFF You lie, hostess. Bardolph was shaved and lost many a hair; and I’ll be sworn my pocket was picked. Go to, you are a woman, go.	FALSTAFF You lie, hostess. Bardolph was shaved and lost many a hair; and I’ll be sworn my pocket was picked. Go to, you are a woman, go.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Who, I? No; I defy thee! God’s light, I was never called so in mine own house before.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Who, I? No; I defy thee! God’s light, I was never called so in mine own house before.
FALSTAFF Go to, I know you well enough.	FALSTAFF Go to, I know you well enough.
MISTRESS QUICKLY No, Sir John, you do not know me, Sir John. I know you, Sir John. You owe me money, Sir John, and now you pick a quarrel to beguile me of it. I bought you a dozen of shirts to your back.	MISTRESS QUICKLY No, Sir John, you do not know me, Sir John. I know you, Sir John. You owe me money, Sir John, and now you pick a quarrel to beguile me of it. I bought you a dozen of shirts to your back.
FALSTAFF Dowlas, filthy dowlas. I have given them away to bakers' wives; they have made bolters of them.	FALSTAFF Dowlas, filthy dowlas. I have given them away to bakers' wives; they have made bolters of them.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Now, as I am a true woman, holland of eight shillings an ell. You owe money here besides, Sir John, for your diet and by- drinkings, and money lent you, four and twenty pound.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Now, as I am a true woman, holland of eight shillings an ell. You owe money here besides, Sir John, for your diet and by- drinkings, and money lent you, four and twenty pound.
FALSTAFF (points at BARDOLPH) He had his part of it. Let him pay.	FALSTAFF (points at BARDOLPH) He had his part of it. Let him pay.
MISTRESS QUICKLY He? Alas, he is poor. He hath nothing.	MISTRESS QUICKLY He? Alas, he is poor. He hath nothing.
FALSTAFF How, poor? Look upon his face. What call you rich? Let them coin his nose. Let them coin his cheeks. I’ll not pay a denier. What, will you make a younker of me? Shall I not take mine case in mine inn but I shall have my pocket picked? I have lost a seal ring of my grandfather’s worth forty mark.	FALSTAFF How, poor? Look upon his face. What call you rich? Let them coin his nose. Let them coin his cheeks. I’ll not pay a denier. What, will you make a younker of me? Shall I not take mine case in mine inn but I shall have my pocket picked? I have lost a seal ring of my grandfather’s worth forty mark.
MISTRESS QUICKLY O Jesu, I have heard the Prince tell him, I know not how oft, that that ring was copper!	MISTRESS QUICKLY O Jesu, I have heard the Prince tell him, I know not how oft, that that ring was copper!
FALSTAFF How? The Prince is a jack, a sneak-up. 'Sblood, an he were here, I would cudgel him like a dog if he would say so.	FALSTAFF How? The Prince is a jack, a sneak-up. 'Sblood, an he were here, I would cudgel him like a dog if he would say so.
Enter PRINCE HENRY and PETO , marching, and FALSTAFF meets them laying on his truncheon like a fife	Enter PRINCE HENRY and PETO , marching, and FALSTAFF meets them laying on his truncheon like a fife
How now, lad, is the wind in that door, i' faith? Must we all march?	How now, lad, is the wind in that door, i' faith? Must we all march?
BARDOLPH 80 Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion.	BARDOLPH Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion.
MISTRESS QUICKLY My lord, I pray you, hear me.	MISTRESS QUICKLY My lord, I pray you, hear me.
PRINCE HENRY What sayest thou, Mistress Quickly? How doth thy husband? I love him well; he is an honest man.	PRINCE HENRY What sayest thou, Mistress Quickly? How doth thy husband? I love him well; he is an honest man.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Good my lord, hear me.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Good my lord, hear me.
FALSTAFF 85 Prithee, let her alone, and list to me.	FALSTAFF Prithee, let her alone, and list to me.
PRINCE HENRY What say’st thou, Jack?	PRINCE HENRY What say’st thou, Jack?
FALSTAFF The other night I fell asleep here behind the arras, and had my pocket picked. This house is turned bawdy house; they pick pockets.	FALSTAFF The other night I fell asleep here behind the arras, and had my pocket picked. This house is turned bawdy house; they pick pockets.
PRINCE HENRY 90 What didst thou lose, Jack?	PRINCE HENRY What didst thou lose, Jack?
FALSTAFF Wilt thou believe me, Hal, three or four bonds of forty pound apiece, and a seal ring of my grandfather’s.	FALSTAFF Wilt thou believe me, Hal, three or four bonds of forty pound apiece, and a seal ring of my grandfather’s.
PRINCE HENRY A trifle, some eightpenny matter.	PRINCE HENRY A trifle, some eightpenny matter.
MISTRESS QUICKLY So I told him, my lord, and I said I heard your Grace say so. And, my lord, he speaks most vilely of you, like a foul- mouthed man as he is;,and said he would cudgel you.	MISTRESS QUICKLY So I told him, my lord, and I said I heard your Grace say so. And, my lord, he speaks most vilely of you, like a foul- mouthed man as he is;,and said he would cudgel you.
PRINCE HENRY What, he did not!	PRINCE HENRY What, he did not!
MISTRESS QUICKLY There’s neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in me else.	MISTRESS QUICKLY There’s neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in me else.
FALSTAFF There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune, nor no more truth in thee than in a drawn fox, and for womanhood, Maid Marian may be the deputy’s wife of the ward to thee. Go, you thing, go.	FALSTAFF There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune, nor no more truth in thee than in a drawn fox, and for womanhood, Maid Marian may be the deputy’s wife of the ward to thee. Go, you thing, go.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Say, what thing, what thing?	MISTRESS QUICKLY Say, what thing, what thing?
FALSTAFF What thing! Why, a thing to thank God on.	FALSTAFF What thing! Why, a thing to thank God on.
MISTRESS QUICKLY I am no thing to thank God on, I would thou shouldst know it! I am an honest man’s wife, and, setting thy knighthood aside, thou art a knave to call me so.	MISTRESS QUICKLY I am no thing to thank God on, I would thou shouldst know it! I am an honest man’s wife, and, setting thy knighthood aside, thou art a knave to call me so.
FALSTAFF Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to say otherwise.	FALSTAFF Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to say otherwise.
MISTRESS QUICKLY 110 Say, what beast, thou knave, thou?	MISTRESS QUICKLY Say, what beast, thou knave, thou?
FALSTAFF What beast? Why, an otter.	FALSTAFF What beast? Why, an otter.
PRINCE HENRY An otter, Sir John. Why an otter?	PRINCE HENRY An otter, Sir John. Why an otter?
FALSTAFF Why, she’s neither fish nor flesh; a man knows not where to have her.	FALSTAFF Why, she’s neither fish nor flesh; a man knows not where to have her.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Thou art an unjust man in saying so. Thou or any man knows where to have me, thou knave, thou.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Thou art an unjust man in saying so. Thou or any man knows where to have me, thou knave, thou.
PRINCE HENRY Thou sayest true, hostess, and he slanders thee most grossly.	PRINCE HENRY Thou sayest true, hostess, and he slanders thee most grossly.
MISTRESS QUICKLY So he doth you, my lord, and said this other day you owed him a thousand pound.	MISTRESS QUICKLY So he doth you, my lord, and said this other day you owed him a thousand pound.
PRINCE HENRY 120 Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?	PRINCE HENRY Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?
FALSTAFF A thousand pound, Hal? A million. Thy love is worth a million; thou owest me thy love.	FALSTAFF A thousand pound, Hal? A million. Thy love is worth a million; thou owest me thy love.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Nay, my lord, he called you “jack,” and said he would cudgel you.	MISTRESS QUICKLY Nay, my lord, he called you “jack,” and said he would cudgel you.
FALSTAFF 125 Did I, Bardolph?	FALSTAFF Did I, Bardolph?
BARDOLPH Indeed, Sir John, you said so.	BARDOLPH Indeed, Sir John, you said so.
FALSTAFF Yea, if he said my ring was copper.	FALSTAFF Yea, if he said my ring was copper.
PRINCE HENRY I say ’tis copper. Darest thou be as good as thy word now?	PRINCE HENRY I say ’tis copper. Darest thou be as good as thy word now?
FALSTAFF Why, Hal, thou knowest, as thou art but man, I dare, but as thou art Prince, I fear thee as I fear the roaring of a lion’s whelp.	FALSTAFF Why, Hal, thou knowest, as thou art but man, I dare, but as thou art Prince, I fear thee as I fear the roaring of a lion’s whelp.
PRINCE HENRY And why not as the lion?	PRINCE HENRY And why not as the lion?
FALSTAFF The King is to be feared as the lion. Dost thou think I’ll fear thee as I fear thy father? Nay, an I do, I pray God my girdle break.	FALSTAFF The King is to be feared as the lion. Dost thou think I’ll fear thee as I fear thy father? Nay, an I do, I pray God my girdle break.
PRINCE HENRY O, if it should, how would thy guts fall about thy knees! But, sirrah, there’s no room for faith, truth, nor honesty in this bosom of thine. It is all filled up with guts and midriff. Charge an honest woman with picking thy pocket? Why, thou whoreson, impudent, embossed rascal, if there were anything in thy pocket but tavern reckonings, memorandums of bawdy houses, and one poor pennyworth, of sugar candy to make thee long-winded, if thy pocket were enriched with any other injuries but these, I am a villain. And, yet you will stand to it! You will not pocket up wrong! Art thou not ashamed?	PRINCE HENRY O, if it should, how would thy guts fall about thy knees! But, sirrah, there’s no room for faith, truth, nor honesty in this bosom of thine. It is all filled up with guts and midriff. Charge an honest woman with picking thy pocket? Why, thou whoreson, impudent, embossed rascal, if there were anything in thy pocket but tavern reckonings, memorandums of bawdy houses, and one poor pennyworth, of sugar candy to make thee long-winded, if thy pocket were enriched with any other injuries but these, I am a villain. And, yet you will stand to it! You will not pocket up wrong! Art thou not ashamed?
FALSTAFF Dost thou hear, Hal? Thou knowest in the state of innocency Adam fell, and what should poor Jack Falstaff do in the days of villany? Thou seest I have more flesh than another man and therefore more frailty. You confess, then, you picked my pocket?	FALSTAFF Dost thou hear, Hal? Thou knowest in the state of innocency Adam fell, and what should poor Jack Falstaff do in the days of villany? Thou seest I have more flesh than another man and therefore more frailty. You confess, then, you picked my pocket?
PRINCE HENRY It appears so by the story.	PRINCE HENRY It appears so by the story.
FALSTAFF Hostess, I forgive thee. Go make ready breakfast, love thy, husband, look to thy servants, cherish thy guests. Thou shalt find me tractable to any honest reason. Thou seest I am pacified still. Nay, prithee, be gone.	FALSTAFF Hostess, I forgive thee. Go make ready breakfast, love thy, husband, look to thy servants, cherish thy guests. Thou shalt find me tractable to any honest reason. Thou seest I am pacified still. Nay, prithee, be gone.
Exit MISTRESS QUICKLY	Exit MISTRESS QUICKLY
Now, Hal, to the news at court. For the robbery, lad, how is that answered?	Now, Hal, to the news at court. For the robbery, lad, how is that answered?
PRINCE HENRY O, my sweet beef, I must still be good angel to thee. The money is paid back again.	PRINCE HENRY O, my sweet beef, I must still be good angel to thee. The money is paid back again.
FALSTAFF O, I do not like that paying back. 'Tis a double labor.	FALSTAFF O, I do not like that paying back. 'Tis a double labor.
PRINCE HENRY I am good friends with my father and may do anything.	PRINCE HENRY I am good friends with my father and may do anything.
FALSTAFF Rob me the Exchequer the first thing thou dost, and do it with unwashed hands too.	FALSTAFF Rob me the Exchequer the first thing thou dost, and do it with unwashed hands too.
BARDOLPH 165 Do, my lord.	BARDOLPH Do, my lord.
PRINCE HENRY I have procured thee, Jack, a charge of foot.	PRINCE HENRY I have procured thee, Jack, a charge of foot.
FALSTAFF I would it had been of horse. Where shall I find one that can steal well? O, for a fine thief of the age of two and twenty or thereabouts! I am heinously unprovided. Well, God be thanked for these rebels. They offend none but the virtuous. I laud them; I praise them.	FALSTAFF I would it had been of horse. Where shall I find one that can steal well? O, for a fine thief of the age of two and twenty or thereabouts! I am heinously unprovided. Well, God be thanked for these rebels. They offend none but the virtuous. I laud them; I praise them.
PRINCE HENRY Bardolph!	PRINCE HENRY Bardolph!
BARDOLPH My lord.	BARDOLPH My lord.
PRINCE HENRY Go bear this letter to Lord John of Lancaster, 175 To my brother John; this to my Lord of Westmoreland.	PRINCE HENRY Go bear this letter to Lord John of Lancaster, To my brother John; this to my Lord of Westmoreland.
Exit BARDOLPH	Exit BARDOLPH
Go, Peto, to horse, to horse, for thou and I have thirty miles to ride yet ere dinner time.	Go, Peto, to horse, to horse, for thou and I have thirty miles to ride yet ere dinner time.
Exit PETO	Exit PETO
Jack, meet me tomorrow in the Temple hall At two o'clock in the afternoon; 180 There shalt thou know thy charge, and there receive Money and order for their furniture. The land is burning. Percy stands on high, And either we or they must lower lie.	Jack, meet me tomorrow in the Temple hall At two o'clock in the afternoon; There shalt thou know thy charge, and there receive Money and order for their furniture. The land is burning. Percy stands on high, And either we or they must lower lie.
Exit PRINCE HENRY	Exit PRINCE HENRY
FALSTAFF Rare words, brave world!—Hostess, my breakfast, come.— 185 O, I could wish this tavern were my drum.	FALSTAFF Rare words, brave world!—Hostess, my breakfast, come.— O, I could wish this tavern were my drum.
Exit	Exit